What started as a lesson in home appliances
by Dark-AmethystUnicorn
Summary: Going, going GONE! !FINSIHED!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own yugioh! I will also not be responsible for any damage caused during the making of this fic. Mainly because I don't think yamis and appliances are a good combo! ^-^; And I might just convince you all with this fic!  
  
What started as a simple lesson in home appliances.  
  
Chpt One. The kitchen & notice how things always end in timeout and disaster?  
  
"Let's start in the kitchen!" Malik squealed happily, dragging his yami into the black and white tiled room.  
  
"Ok, let's start in the kitchen, yes that sounds like a nice safe place to start." Ryou muttered resigning himself to his fate, dragging Bakura after Yugi, Malik and their yamis. "If you don't count the knives, oven, microwave, dishes, cutlery and draws, popcorn maker, frying pans, the wok, saucepans, blender, deep fryer and ice maker."  
  
"Wimp." Bakura snickered.  
  
Ryou didn't comment. It wasn't that he was scared, it was the he KNEW what the outcome of this lesson would most likely be.....  
  
And that was utter chaos!  
  
Yugi stood up on the table and cleared his throat. "Right, uh yamis this is the kitchen, it's where we make our-"  
  
Yami tackled Yugi making him fall off the table. "HIKARI!!!!!"  
  
"What?" Yugi blinked.  
  
"That evil thing over there has green eyes and it just beeped! You're in danger hikari!"  
  
"This is going to be a loooooooong day." Ryou mumbled before speaking up. "Uh, Yami? That's the microwave. Wonder why it beeped though."   
  
Malik jumped up and ran to the microwave and pulled out a TV dinner. "Sorry, heh heh. I was hungry!"  
  
"FOOD!" The three yamis shrieked.  
  
"Uh-ohhhhhh!" Ryou muttered. "Malik's in for it now!"  
  
Malik paled. "N-now guys, I cooked this, I-its mine."  
  
The yamis began to close in. Their red eyes gleaming.   
  
They looked like a pack of dogs.   
  
A pack of rabid dogs. That were hungry.  
  
"ARGHHHHHHH!! YAMI HELP!!!!!!" Yugi shouted randomnly. Yami hurried over to him and Yugi shouted. "RUN MALIK!!!!!"   
  
Malik needn't be told twice. The yamis chased him around the kitchen until they were in a stale mate around the table.  
  
"Come on Malik! At least feed your loving yami!" Marik whined.  
  
The fair haired boy looked at him in a mixture of disbelief and horror. "Loving? You almost killed me on the way over here!"  
  
Yami and Bakura looked over at Marik.  
  
"You can't even attempt to kill you hikari and get it right?" Bakura asked incredeously.  
  
Yami shook his head and patted the unsuccessful pyschopath on the back consolingly. "Poor, poor Marik, you're losing your touch! I could easily kill Yugi if I wished to!"  
  
Ryou and Yugi dived behind Malik.   
  
"How can they talk about killing us like that?" A pale Yugi whimpered.  
  
"They're evil sick twisted spirits that we get the pleasure of sharing our bodies with, Yugi. The downside is we have to put up with their homicidal urges." Ryou explained, clutching Maliks shoulders to keep him infront of them. Hey, if you're gonna die, take someone with you! Perferably the one who started the conversation.  
  
"ahem."  
  
The three lights looked up to see their yamis sitting obediently at the table.   
  
"Are you or are you not teaching us?" Bakura asked politey, adopting the lights english teachers voice.  
  
"Fine." Ryou sighed and picked up the safest thing he could find: The deep fryer. He placed it on the table and turned it on. "This is the deep fryer, it's how we cook those hot chips and wedges and all those greasy things. It works by heating up the oil, like right now and then you put the raw food in it and it cooks!" Ryou demonstrated by putting in a raw burger patty.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BELOVED FOOD!! I'LL SAVE YOU!!!!" Marik yelled reaching in after it. "OWWWW HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!" He howled pulling his hand out.  
  
"Maybe we should move onto the fridge and icemaker." Yugi suggested as Yami and Bakura roared with laughter. Malik dragged his whimpering yami to the fridge.  
  
"This is the fridge, it stores all the food that can't be stored in room temperature unless you want severe food poisoning. Inside," Malik then opened the fridge. "Is an icemaker, I don't know how it works but I do know it makes ice!" He said brightly. "See?" Ice began to shoot out. "Marik put some of that on your burn."  
  
Marik eyed the clear frozen liquid and shrugged then placed the cubes on his hand. "ohhhhhhhhhh! Coollllddddd."  
  
Yami moved to get a better look at the ice maker and slipped. "Whoaaaaa!" He crashed into Bakura and they both skidded across the floor and into the dishwasher.  
  
"ok! Let's look at the dishwasher!" Yugi chirped.  
  
"Insensitive hikari." Yami mumbled.  
  
"Pharoah, get off me now!" Bakura hissed. "I'm not comfortable with you being this close! You're invading my personal space!"  
  
"Your personal space is 100km in diameter!" Yami snorted, jumping off nevertheless.  
  
"Jerk." Bakura muttered.  
  
"Lowly peasent."  
  
"Rich pretty boy."  
  
"Tomb robber."  
  
"Mommy's boy."  
  
"Rather a mommy's boy than a mother fucker!" Yami shot back.  
  
Bakura turned red and threw a punch. "DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT!!!!"  
  
"Yami!" Yugi and Ryou barked stepping between them.   
  
"You." Ryou pointed at Yami and jerked his thumb to the right. "Sit in that corner. And you!" He pointed at his own yami and then to the left. "Sit in that corner!"  
  
"Haha you got time out." Marik taunted softly.  
  
"I get to sit next to the fridge. Ryou likes me better." Bakura said smugly.  
  
"Does not! You're an evil spirit who tried to kill him." Yami hissed. He had, of course, got stuck with the 'evil' microwave.  
  
"I was drunk! And I recall a certain pharoah nearly strangling his hikari WHEN he was SOBER!"  
  
"Yea, my bad?" Marik said. Both other yamis looked at him.  
  
"You can't even strangle your hikari right?" Yami asked in disbelief.  
  
"Geez Marik! And we weren't even talking about you! You aren't a pharaoh!"  
  
Marik pouted. "I am in my mind so nyah!!" He stuck his tongue out.  
  
They all sweatdropped at Marik.  
  
"Must they keep talking about killing us?" Ryou groaned. "It's going to make me paranoid!"  
  
"Marik, sit in that corner!" Malik sighed and pointed to the corner next to......oh no.....omg, Maliks crazy!.............the OVEN! (Now take a deep breath and go AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and make sure you have a phone nearby to dial for emergency services! ^-^)  
  
"Let's go see what's on TV while they're in timeout!" Yugi suggested. (YUGI NO BAKA!!! STAY!!!!!)  
  
"Yea!" The other two lights cheered. (Ohh goddd! There's not going to be anything left standing!)  
  
And so, this is where our tale of horror and possibly mutilated homes begins!  
************  
DAU: The poor house! T-T  
  
Yami Dau: Who cares? It's your principals home! ^_~ Aren't I the best?  
  
DAU: Oh yeah! ^_^ Don't ever get Mrs Sharpe for principal! Stupid cow! Do you know what she did to our school dress code?  
  
Yami DAU: What? Put uniforms on it?  
  
Dau: NO, we already have those! *rolls eyes and points to uniform chucked in dark corner of bedroom* she decided that earrings with coloured stones in them are 'illegal' to wear at school so now it's plain gold or silver! How GAY can you get?! (Not meant to offend anyone! I'm just pissed off!)  
  
Yami DAU: And before my lovely hiakri can do any damage I shall say my line 'Please Review!' and for the love of Ra! Humor her and agree!  
  
DAU: *shrieks* THEY GOT TO YOU TOO!!!!! THOSE TEACHERS!!!!! IT'S A CONSPIRACY!!!!!!! THEY'RE ALL EVIL!!!!!!!!!! T-T *sniffs* even my own yami sides with them! Oh, thy world is a cruel, cruel place! 


	2. HORROR

Dau: *grumbles* I'm back. *throws bag onto bed* *grumbles* Stupid school! *throws dart at picture of school principal*  
  
Yami DAU: whats wrong NOW?  
  
Dau: Well our skirts have to be at the most 25cm from the ground and mine isn't.  
  
Yami DAU: *raises eyebrow* So?  
  
DAU: So....they want us to sew a strip of material onto the bottom of the stupid thing!!!! How hypocrictical can teachers get? They always go on and on and on about how you should look nice and presentation is an important part of displaying our school and they want us to sew a shitty piece of material onto it and make it look totally STUPID AND LACKING IN SCHOOL PRIDE!!!!!!!  
  
Yami DAU: I thought you didn't care about your stupid school. *eyes untucked shirt and messy hair and shoes*  
  
DAU: I don't but it's the principle of thing! I don't think it's fair! Don't bother me yami! I'm very mad!  
  
(..) my thoughts.  
  
Chpt two: Microwaves, ovens and fridges, OH MY!  
  
"I'm bored." Whined Marik.  
  
"I'm hungry." Yami said eyeing the fridge forlornly.  
  
"I'm not." Bakura announced smugly, popping a handful of icecream in his mouth.  
  
"Throw some of that here, Bakura." Yami ordered. (*shakes head* man is he asking for it!)  
  
Bakura smirked. "Ok Pharoah." He took a huge handful of it and hurled it at Yami. It landed on the pharoahs head with a loud 'splat!'.  
  
"MY HAIR!!!!!" Yami shrieked. "YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU ASSHOLE!!!!!!" (*shakes head again* I told you he was asking for it but does anyone listen?) "I'm telling Yugi!"  
  
"No you're not!" Bakura argued.  
  
Yes I am!"  
  
"No you are not!"  
  
"Oh? And why not?"  
  
"Cause we're all in time out and they won't listen!" Marik recited dutifully.  
  
Yami shot up and pointed at Bakura in a dramatic gesture. "TOMB ROBBER!!! Apologise to the great pharoah!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, you'll apologise alright." Yami said grinning evilly. "Or else.." Opens microwave door to reveal tied up pixie sticks. "The pixie sticks get nuked!" He began to laugh evilly.  
  
"Keep it down in there! Beyblades is on!" Malik yelled from the living room. "Yea! Come on Kai! Let it riiiiiiiiiiiip!! Oh for the love of Ra! Kill Tyson!! Don't make me come in there!"  
  
"You wouldn't!" Bakura gasped, ignoring the deranged Marik's hikari.  
  
"WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE PIXIE STICKS!!!" Marik shrieked. See? Deranged!  
  
"Yes I would!"  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would."  
  
"Wouldn't."  
  
"Would!" Yami yelled and pressed start. (Dau: noooo pixie sticks! *faints*)  
  
Marik buried his face in the oven and sobbed hysterically. "Pixie sticks! I knew thee well!" Marik looked up and discovered something hidden in the oven. "What? You're right Oven! We have to avenge the pixie sticks! I love you Oven." Marik reached in and took the hidden object. "Timeout or no timeout, this is personal!" Marik stood up and walked over to the crowing Yami, smiling innocently.  
  
Bakura watched the disturbingly innocently smiling Marik and noticed what he had hidden behind his back. Bakura paled slightly but smirked. This was gonna be good.  
  
"Marik! We're in timeout! Get back to your corner!" Yami hissed. Marik continued to smile as Yami began to feel creeped out. "Ahh YUGI!!!!! MARIK'S NOT IN HIS CORNER!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yami! Noone likes a tattertale! Marik go back to your corner!" Came the shout from Yugi. "Yea!!! Go Maxy!! Kick Kai's butt!"  
  
"Hey! Kai's better!" Malik shrieked.  
  
"NO WAY!!!!!!" Ryou's shout roared over all of them. "The best blader is.....Oliver!!"  
  
"No, Max!  
  
"KAI!!"  
  
"NO WAY, IT'S OLIVER!!!!!!!"  
  
The three darks sweatdropped.  
  
"I hate television!" Yami muttered.  
  
Marik smiled. "I love it!" And he pulled out.......dare I say it? *shudders* Must I? Cos I really don't wanna! Oh all right but just remember YOU asked for it not ME!  
  
A SINGING BARNEY TOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Marik pulled the cord and the hellish song of that infamous servant of the Devil began....  
  
"I love youuuuuuuu, you love meeeeeeeeeee"  
  
Bakura yelped and jumped on top of the kitchen, suddenly it didn't seem like it was going to be good. "RYOU! RYOU! RYOU! HELP! HELP! HELP!! RA MARIK!! PUT THAT AWAY!!!!!"  
  
"HELP YUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIII!!" Yami shrieked joining Bakura after Marik moved closer to him.  
  
Marik laughed manically and pulled the cord again. He began to sing along with it. "We're best friends like friends should beeeeeeeee!"  
  
"It's got Marik!" Bakura screamed. "Marik, let go of it!"  
  
******Shall we see how this all looks from the hiakris pov?  
  
"NO WAY, IT'S OLIVER!!" Ryou yelled, feeling that the other two just didn't understand how important the french blader was. The three boys glared at eachother before sitting down to watch the rest of the show. All sulking, none talking.  
  
"RYOU! RYOU! RYOU! HELP! HELP! HELP!! RA MARIK!! PUT THAT AWAY!!!!!"  
  
"What," Ryou asked looking over his shoulder. "Do you suppose they're up to?"  
  
"I don't know but I think Malik's yamis being a pervert!"  
  
"He is not!" Malik protested. "Besides! He knows to only do that at home!"  
  
Ryou looked at him. "¬¬; I did not need to heat that!"  
  
A pale Yugi sat up beside him. "You think I did? And Yami says that B-b-b-b-b-b-b"  
  
"HELP YUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIII!!"  
  
The lights ingnored the noise.   
  
"B-b-b-b-b-b what?" Malik asked.  
  
"You know that creepy pink dinosaur who insists he's really purple and sings that STUPID song? You know, the one that makes us innocents sound like dizty children?" Yugi gulped, deliberately avoiding the name.  
  
Ryou paled. "Yea. H-h-he's not in there is he?"  
  
*******Back to the Yamis  
  
"Yugi," Yami whimpered. "Save me!"  
  
Bakura clipped him around the ear. "Suck it up! Do you want everyone to know that you, pharoah of Egypt and I, the great tomb robber of Egypt, got defeated by a mere toy?"  
  
"No," Yami started mournfully. "But it's not a mere toy! It's, it's HIM!"  
  
"And this." Bakura announced reaching behind him. "Is gasoline and matches! Come Yami! To SALVATION!"  
  
Bakura leapt off the fridge and yanked the devils child away from his fellow yami.  
  
He then tossed it to Yami who caught it with trembling fingers. Yami turned it over, marveling at it. "I-it is just a stupid toy! DIE STUPID EVIL TOY!!!" He drenched it with gasoline and threw it into the oven where Bakura lit it and closed the oven door so noone would smell smoke.  
  
Marik gazed at the Oven in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BARNEY! DON'T GO!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW ALL ROAD RULES YET!!!!!!!!"  
  
Yami came up and patted him on the back. "We'll teach you Marik, we'll teach you."  
  
Ryou poked his head around the door. "Is it gone?"  
  
"Yep." Bakura confirmed.  
  
"OK WE CAN COME IN! THEY SAID IT'S GONE!!!!!!"Ryou yelled behind him skipping in and jumping onto the beach.  
  
"you mean you waited until we had got rid of it to see how we were doing?'Bakura growled reaching for something behind him. "Take that hikari!" He whipped out a can of whipped cream and began to cover Ryou in the white substance. Ryou yelped and ran for the fridge.  
  
"Physchos!" Malik muttered taking his yami into the living room to console him.  
  
"Sniffle, I can't believe Barney's gone, hiakri! He prommised to be there forever!" Marik wailed.  
  
"There, there Marik, we'll avenge him!" Malik declared.  
  
*******DUN DUN DUN!!!!!! End Chappie!  
Now push the purple 'Go' button and review!  
  
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	3. Eep

Lady Lunar Pheonix: If I don't update you'll do what exactly? *raises eyebrow*

;) (): Thanx for saying I'm funny! Most confuse it with a lack of sanity……

BookWorm85: That's the joy of humor fics! The character SHOULD be AU, that's partially what makes it funny! And do you have ESP? Turn your ESP off! You'll ruin the fic for yourself!

Malik'sgurl():  glad you agree! YEA! Die barney DIE MUAHAHAHAHA!!! I have saved the world! Yet again! *yawns and buffs nails* it's a hard job but hey! Someone's gotta do it and the hours are sweet!

Chater three: Damnit! I knew I shouldn't have brought more dishwashing detergent!

As Bakura continued to assault Ryou with the whipped cream, Yugi attempted to stop it by throwing chocolate sauce at the boy, needless to say they were creating a human sundae, (Mmmmm Ryou/ Bakura sundae *drools & goes into la-la land.*)

Yami eyed the stove warily, he didn't know much about these modern conveniences but it didn't matter where or when you were, lots and lots of smoke meant trouble.

And there was a ton of smoke billowing out of the Barney crematory.

"Uhhhhhhh, Yugi?"

"Gah!" Yugi dived behind the door as Bakura pelted him with cherries.

"Hah! That'll teach you to mess with the likes of the great me, I!" Bakura crowed, throwing chocolate buttons now.

Ryou sweat dropped. "Yami that made absolutely no sense at all." Ryou threw raisins at his Yami before ducking behind a bench.

Bakura shrieked and ran behind Yugi who moved away and pelted the spirit with plums; Bakura yelped and retaliated with grapes as Ryou discovered that they had……

A fire extinguisher. He grabbed it and began to spray Bakura with it. (LOL we used to do that at school there was one hanging right next to the door so we'd spray anyone who walked through!) 

"Guys." Yami tried again. The smoke was thicker and he could of sworn that there were flames there.

Sighing heavily he marched over to the dishwasher and opened it. He chucked a large portion of dishwashing powder into the little container and then poured a large helping of detergent in. Actually he put in a whole bottle of detergent. He closed the door and hit what appeared to be 'start'. Well at least he hoped that's what it was. You could never tell with these Ra forsaken American products…… (No offense meant!) After a while he opened the door and a heavy stream of bubbles came out to greet him. Luckily it put out the fire, but it kinda got everyone mad at him, well everyone that was a lighter half anyway!

"YAMI!" Yugi shrieked storming, er, sliding up sorry! He landed on his rear as Bakura snickered then eyed the bubbley mess in thought.

"Great! More things to clean up!" Malik groaned, walking in after hearing Yugi scream.

"Really! Such a mess!" Ryou shook his head and followed the two other lights out to find some mops.

"Yea, Yami! Such a mess!" Bakura taunted, using Ryou's accent to it's fullest.

"Shut up thief!" Yami snarled back.

"THAT'S TOMB ROBBER!! _TOMB ROBBER_!!"

Marik squinted through teary eyes at the blackened oven. There was no sign of his fu- er _savior. _Yea that's it!_ Savior!_

"Barney?" He whispered softly. "No, Barney gone, gone for good." He hung his head, oblivious to the screaming match the two darks were partaking in.

"COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE PHARAOH!!"

"FINE! I WILL, _THEIF_!!" Yami shouted and began to run towards the albino.

(Guess what happens. Pretty predictable wouldn't you say?)

He slid on his ass and crashed into Bakura. (*crosses arms and nods head* yep! Predictable alright!)

Marik looked over at them blinking. "What the? Oh!!! You're _that type!" He said mischeiviously, eyeing their compromising position. "So tell me, which one is the bitch?"_

Malik who was behind the kitchen door and who had heard everything through his mind link, quickly whispered it to the other two who blinked dumbly then burst into laughter.

Bakura growled and threw a handful of soapy bubbles at the Egyptian spirit who had dared to suggest he wasn't straight! (Again no offense meant.)

Marik sputtered as a few bubbles tried to slip down his throat before growling and throwing bubbles at the boy only to hit the pharaoh who threw them back and 'accidently' hit the sniggering Malik who ran in a full throttle and slipped on the bubbles, crashing into his yami.

Bakura howled with laughter until one mischievous, currently very out of character Yugi Moutu threw bubbles at him and hid behind Yami. Bakura, who thought the pharaoh was responsible for the mess on his head tackled Yami and the two slid across the floor slowly, while everyone watched blinking rapidly.

Malik and Marik smirked evilly and grinned at each other. "I told ya!" Marik announced.

Yami looked up at the seething thief. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That we should kill or send them to the shadow realm?"

"Yep."

"Great!" Bakura jumped up and reaching into his pocket. "I'll just get my man eater bug to-"

"NO!" Ryou yelled jumping forward and clinging onto Bakura's arm that held the card. "No bugs!"

Malik and Marik squealed in delight. "Isn't that cuuuute, Hikari?"

"Kawaii!" Malik shrieked snapping away on a camera happily.

Yugi sweatdropped. "Where did he get that camera?" Authoress thinks that is a very good question. Where did he get that? I gave him no camera!

"I don't think we want to know aibou." Yami muttered. "Come on thief, let's kill them and get it done before dinner!"

"Ok, but I still think my man eater should-"

"No!" Yami said firmly.

"Ok!" Bakura grumbled. "But-"

"NO!"

"Fine!" Bakura pouted and settled for aiming a heavy blow at the Egyptian pair with a soapy frying pan, thus knocking them out. Ahhhhh, the wonders of the frying pan. "You take all the fun out of it Yami!"

"Well go down to the prison and set the bug on a few unsuspecting guards like you always do Bakura." Ryou groaned.

Yami blinked. "You kill guards and you don't invite me?"

"He didn't invite me either!" Marik shouted jumping up. Everyone looked at him.

"I thought you were knocked out." Bakura growled, raising the frying pan again.

"Was, but I'm up, up and away!" Marik shouted, jumping onto the kitchen fan and swinging around the room. "Wheeeee!! Heh heh, yoink!" He snatched the ring and puzzle from Ryou and Yugi as he swung past. "Now I control three millennium items! Now onward! To sanctuary!" I think he forgot something! -_-;;

Ryou, Yugi and their yamis stood in a circle around the fan waiting patiently for the hyper boy to realize he wasn't going anywhere but in a circle!

"What!?!" Marik shouted. "How can you keep up with my super speed?"

"Because you're going in circle in between us. We're not even moving." Yami replied. "And in your words….yoink!" He snatched back the puzzle and placed it around Yugi's neck again before sitting down with a scowl on his face.

"Yoink! Hee hee that's a funny word." Bakura sniggered handing Ryou back the Ring. "Yoink, yoink." He nicked Marik's jewellery and Yami's leather belt from around his neck.

"HEY!" Marik yelled. "Isis gave me those for my birthday! Give 'em back!"

Bakura and Yami looked at him strangely. "You let _her pick out your __jewellery?!" Bakura said in disgust. "Feh, you can keep it!" He tossed the jewellery at Marik but it went over his head and whack the poor Malik who was coming to in the head causing the boy to fall down again. Thankfully he was still conscious._

Meanwhile, Yugi and Ryou had looked at each other, then the bubbles on the floor, and then each other again. Identical grins flew across their faces as they moved towards the cupboard and pulled out the necessary equipment.

Yugi placed a blender full of water and detergent behind his yami and set it going at the same time Ryou stood behind his yami with a huge soup pot full of bubbles and ice cold water. The moment Bakura turned to look at the noise, Ryou struck. He threw the pot over Bakura's head and left it there as he and Yugi hot footed it to the fridge.

"HIKARI!!!" Both drenched boys roared advancing. Ryou smirked and held up a sign. 'I wouldn't if I were you 'kura."

"Why not?" Bakrua sneered.

Ryou's smirk widened as he opened the fridge and showed Bakura a huge bag of M&M's. Watching the drooling Bakura evilly, he popped one into his mouth and handed another to Yugi, keeping the bag well out of either yamis reach.

"You play dirty Ryou, you know I can't do a thing against M&M's!" He growled.

Ryou smirked again. "I know." He popped another into his mouth. "Neither can Yami."

Yugi smirked in confirmation and grabbed a handful of the chocolaty gods.

"Now, you are going to sit down, you are not, repeat, NOT going to fight a bubbleful war and you will behave or I eat all the M&M's! And I won't replace them!"

"Is bubbleful even a word?" Bakrua asked skeptically as Yami followed the path of a butterfly, apparently not listening to the newly laid rules. "Ooooh! Butterfly!"

Yugi buried his faces in his hand in embarrassment. "Yami, please! At least look like you are listening!"

"Bubbleful is a word!"

"Not, hikari!"

"Is!"

"Not!"

"Is!"

"Not!"

"Is!"

"Not!"

"Is too so nyah!" Yugi joined in, poking his tongue out.

"Was I even asking you?"

Yugi shrugged. "No, but Ryou's right, it IS a word." He took another M&M and ate it. 

Bakura and Yami retreated to the table with Marik not far behind as Malik began to eat M&M as well.

"Grrrrrr, I want M&M's." Malik scowled, glaring at his hikari.

"Oh we'll get M&M's alright. We just……..have to use our integrity to get them. Right Pharoah?"

"Oooohh, butterfly." Yami, again not listening but watching the butterfly's path.

Bakura growled, getting tired of the whole 'I'm not listening cos there's a butterfly in the room' act and pulled out a can of bugspray. "Yami, see the bugspray? If you don't pay attention, I WILL KILL THE BUTTERFLY!!!!!!"

Yami's head snapped over towards the evil albino. "Kill….butterfly?" He whimpered. "No kill butterfly me listening."

Bakura looked over at his hikari eating his precious M&M's and leant forward speaking in an undertone. "Good, cos here's what we're going to do. Marik here gave me a great idea……."

"What? Speak up! I can't hear." Yami whined.

"Me neither." Marik wailed.

Bakura began to whack his head on the table. "Idiots! You'd think they'd never had confidental conversations in public areas before!"

"Whaaaaaaaaat? Speak up!" They wailed together.

Bakrua resumed damaging his braincells. Ryou looked over at him strangely, giggled then went back to eating M&M's.

**********DADADADUN!!!! Ohhhhhhh what are they up to?


	4. Cheesy

**What Started as a Lesson In Home Appliances.**

**Chpt**** 4.**

Marik and Malik had left the horror of the formerly clean and hygenic kitchen while Yugi and Ryou cleaned up the soap suds and Yami and Bakura amused themselves by creating 'bubbles masks'.

"Hee hee. You're Santa! Look Yugi! Bakura's Santa!" Yami giggled pointing at the darker albino.

Yugi grunted and sent a pile of soap suds out the door via Broom Travels.

"Bwuahahaha! Ryou, lookie! Yami's the Easter Bunny."

Ryou merely grunted and pulled out a mop.

Bakura and Yami looked at their lights then looked at each other blinking.

"What's with them?" Bakura scowled.

"Do you suppose they're angry about the mess?"

"Nah! Ryou usually has to clean up twice as much at home. His father is sooooooooo paranoid about flesh eating bacteria." Bakura chuckled. "I wonder what he'd do about a man eater bug."

"Probably call an exterminator." Yami said off handly.

"NO! MY BEAUTIFUL BUG!!!!!!!" Bakura clutched the card tightly to his manly chest. (LOL, I couldn't resist!) "RRRRRRYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!"

"Father won't touch your bug Bakura, I promise I won't let him." Ryou sighed. Bakura relaxed but still clung to his favorite card and refused to put it back in the deck.

Yami began rumaging in the pantry, upon discovering that the two lights would not communticate to him or Bakura. "Huh? White sand? Is it edible?"

"Is what edible?" Bakura scoffed and poked his head over Yami's shoulder. "Oohhhhh! It's the heavenly white sand! Ryou's not going to be happy about this! He had to stop buying it cause I kept eating it and he said it made me hyper-something and do crazy things but I think he made it all up!" Bakura nodded his head rapidly, eyes wide.

"So you can't have any?" Yami raised an eyebrow. Well if he couldn't have it........ "Mine!" Yami took the bag down in one go. And it was a 5kg bag so how in Ra's name did he do that?

"Ah, are you alright pharoah?" Bakrua asked worried when Yami began to vibrate at a rapid pace.

"MORE WHITE SAND!!" Yami shrieked.

Ryou and Yugi spun around. Ryou eyed the empty bag and turned to the seriously frightened tomb raider. "BAKURA!! WHY DID YOU GIVE HIM SUGAR!!??? YOU KNOW BETTER!!!!!"

"But I didn't! Why do you always blame me when things go crazy?" Bakura snapped. Ryou glared mutinously and Bakura let out a small "eep!" before hastily hiding all bags, jars and bottles of sugar in the pantry and then standing infront of the hikaris. He didn't think Ryou would forgive him if Yami did something strange and he let the two innocents get hurt. Last time such a thing happened Bakura had had to sleep outside in the tree.

"Yami, sit down, I'll get you some alcohol to neutralise the effects and then we'll-"

"MORE WHITE SAND!!!!!!" Yami screamed. "SAND, SAND, SAND, SANDY, SAND, SAND!!!"

"We don't have any more white sand." Yugi stated.

"THEN ME MUST FIND SOME!!!!!" Yami took off outside.

Yugi, Ryou and Bakura all let out a sigh of relief and collapsed into the chairs.

"Glad that's over with." Bakura grunted, resting his head on his arms.

"Hmmm." Ryou murmured finally beginning to relax after such a murderous day.

Yugi, however, decided to play the part of a pessimist and shot up with saucer like eyes. "Guys, we have a problem."

"Hmmmmm?" Came the calm and serene reply.

"Yami's on a sugar high."

"Hmmmmm."

"And he's outside."

"Hmmmmmm."

"Where there are _other people_." Yugi stressed.

"Hmmmm- WHAT?!" Ryou shot up and banged his head on the partially open cupboard door. "Owww! Dang it Yugi why'da leave the cupboard open?" Ryou rubbed the sore spot tenderly.

"I didn't." Yugi looked confused and turned to Bakura with slight accusation in his voice. "Bakura."

"Iie! Not I! I thought you did it!"

A low growl emitted from the cupboard.

Ryou shrieked and jumped into Bakura's arms while Yugi dived behind him and clutched his shoulders tightly to the point that they bleed.

Bakura looked at his trembling hikari wondering what in Ra's name he thought he was doing and then to the whimpering Yugi and his bleeding shoulders. He raised an eyebrow at Yugi who blushed and let go with a quiet, "Gomen."

"I should think so." Bakura muttered dropping his hikari unceremoniously on his butt. "Wusses." He walked over to the cupboard and swung it open wider to reveal......

"You killed Barney. I must kill you. It is the will of the great Barney."

"Go away Marik!" Bakura groaned and slammed the door on Marik's face. Marik yelped in pain and cussed in Japanese, Egyptian and in ye olde English. Bakura sighed and covered Yugi's ears. "Keep it down you insane idiot! There are virgin ears in here."

"Hey! What about me?" Ryou asked smugly pointing to his uncovered ears.

"You've heard far worse form me Hikari." Bakura replied.

Ryou pouted. "True, but at least acknowledge me."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Oh shut up." Ryou muttered in English before striding over to the cupboard and opening it. Marik fell out with a heavy thud. "Marik I seriously think you suffer from insanity."

"Now that is a lie!" Marik protested shooting up. "I don't suffer from it! I enjoy every minute of it."

"Whatever." Bakura shrugged. His eyes flickered to behind Ryou and saw a shadowy figure. Before anyone could say anything he rushed forward with his new prized procession, the almighty frying pan, and whacked the shadowy figure over the head with all his strength.

"Oh my." Ryou gasped.

"It's Shadi!" Yugi, Daffney, Thelma, Shaggy and Fred gasped.

"Where they hell did you come from?" Bakura snarled.

"Like, the scoob was hungry!" Shaggy said.

The four friends looked at Yugi's fridge where a dog was now emptying the contents. "HEY! GET OUTA THERE!!" Everyone's jaws dropped as Yugi pulled out an axe and begun to take swings at the dog. "I get enough trouble about food hygiene from Gramps as it is! Shoo!"

"Jenkies! We better run!" The Scooby Doo cast took off.

"Freaks!" Yugi huffed sitting down again.

"Bakura what are you going to do about Shadi? Whatever it is, just remember: I'm your friend but I won't help." Ryou lectured keeping an eye trained on Yugi cautiously.

Bakura snorted. "Real friends help move the bodies."

"I'll help!"

"But Marik! Bakura might've killed him! It's illegal! And immoral!" Yugi blabbered.

Marik shrugged. "Everything I do is either illegal, immoral or both."

Ryou began to bang his head on the fridge.

"But-" Yugi began to argue again before Ryou removed his head from the dent he created and dragged Yugi outside. "Yugi, there are two people you can never win an argument with: A fanatic and a idiot. Unfortunately, we have both in there."

"Good point, wanna see where my yami's at?"

"Better than hanging with those nuts." Ryou quipped running down the street next to Yugi.

***Yami.

Yami was running merely along the riverbanks of the Nile, sniffing flowers and skipping through the grass.

Actually, this is all in the deranged pharoahs head. He's really skipping through the parks water fountain and sniffing cigarette butts.

An officer patroling the park noticed the oddly behaving tricoloured haired youth and walked up to him. Noticing the red look in his eyes, he put a hand on Yami's shoulder.

Yami shrieked and took off down the park.

The officer sighed. This was going to be a looooong patrol.

After he finally caught up with the now officially declared psychopath, he approached from the front to avoid startling him. Yami was swinging the swing singing children's rhymes like Humpty Dumpty.

"Hullo there." The officer greeted, standing in front of Yami.

Yami looked up and replied solemnly with a "Hi."

"Your eyes are looking a bit red there son. Been drinking have you?"

Yami shook his head and looked into the officers eyes. "Wow, your eyes looked glazed Mr. Officer. Been pigging out on doughnuts have you?"

The officer fell over in disbelief. "What?!"

Yami took off. "MUAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I TRICKEDED YOU!!!! I TRICKEDED YOU!!!"

*****Meanwhile back at the house.

Malik watched as Marik and Bakura tried to find a spot in the backyard to bury Shadi. He took a swig of Fanta and looked at the german shepard soberly. "Yep, I used to have a handle on life, but it kinda broke when Marik came into the picture."

The german shepard whined. '_Please, get me outa here!'_ It thought.

Malik took another swig. "Yep, when I met him. Reality turned inside out."

Marik looked up from rustling around in the bushes. "Reality? Isn't that where Barney came from?"

"No Marik. Barney came from hell." Bakura replied. "He was sent to steal the souls of all the good little children and people like our Hikaris."

Marik looked furious. "HE'S NOT STEALING MY HIKARI!!!!!! I'LL KILL HIM FIRST!!!!!!!"

Bakura sweatdropped. "He's already dead. ME and the pharaoh killed him."

"Oh."

Shadi groaned and began to come around.

Marik shrieked and ran indoors. "BA HAS RETURNED!!!!! RA SAVE US!!!!!!"

Malik fell off the deck chair, relinquishing his hold on the german shepard who took off over the fence, and began to laugh manically.

Bakura panicked and thwacked the keeper of the millennium key out again. And yes, he used the frying pan. Seriously what else could he use?

Looking down at the unconscious Shadi. Bakura realized something:

If he wasn't dead before he was now. Ryou was going to be soooooooooooooooooooo mad.

"BAKURA!"

No, sorry. Ryou _is soooooooooo mad._

End Chappie.


	5. Pimp

To my reviewers: Thank you all for reviewers.

Tatsu the dragon lord: you, scary, very scary. It's a humor fic not a horror. *Evil grin* But I will keep in that idea in mind just in case I run out of ideas. Lol.

Beccambobbles: I would never give your yami sugar if I were you. And thank you.

Cloud-1-3-5: Passable Sense?! Whatever, just you wait until I get in one of my weird moods!

Jaid Skywalker: Yay! Another person who liked my fic! And all of you pay attention! Jaid here said it was GREAT! Not just good, GREAT! I like you Jaid! ^_^.

HHIIIIII (): Go away dearest little sister! *glares* Read yeh own fics or I'll sic Joey on you!

Joey: *growls like a dog*

Chapt Five: Ryou is VERY, VERY MAD aka the madness has begun! Logic is GONE! MUAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Ahem, also longest title in ffnet! ^_^; (Rule #1 don't let yamis do the title!)

"Um, Ryou? How did we get back at my house?" Yugi asked, looking around the formerly beauteous-not-full-of-holes yard and his formerly-innocent-quiet-and-withdrawn-now-mad-and-oh-so-homicidal friend. "I thought we had just walked through the park gates."

"Oh. I don't know myself really." Ryou confessed. Then his eyes turned red. "All I know is that my yami just killed someone. Again!"

"Iie! He wasn't dead the first time!" Bakura protested while searching for a means of escape.

"WHAT?!" Ryou yelled.

Bakura winced. Admitting that wasn't the brightest idea he'd had in a while!

Malik watched on nervously from beside Yugi. "Uhhhh, ohhhhhhhhh! Lookie Yugi! There's a, a, a PIMP! Let's go join him!" Malik dragged Yugi across the lawn towards the magically appeared whore house.

"What's a pimp?"

"A man who gives you money." Malik smiled discreetly in an evil way. "Heh, heh, kill my barney toy will you?"

"What?"

"Nothing!"

******** Yami.

"Nice Yug, come down from my ceiling Yug." Tristan sighed as Joey tried yet again to get the sugar high currently confused with Yugi Yami down.

"You idiots! That's not Yugi! It's YAMI!" T'ea shouted before ducking behind Tristan. "Please keep him away from me!"

"T'EA!" Yami shouted, jumping down happily. "MY FRIEND!"

"GAH!" T'ea ran out of the room.

Tristan and Joey did the only thing you could at a time like this: Laugh your head off.

"SHUT UP!!" T'ea shrieked. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY!! HELP ME!!"

At that moment Serenity decided to wake up. "Joey! Why do you have to be so noisy?"

"Oh great! You two bozos woke her up! I'm gonna get grounded for this!"

"Serenity! Oh thank god! Look Yami! SERE-NITY!"

"Serenity!" Yami shrieked delightedly.

"Eep. JOEY! HELP!"

"Yami! Yeh stay away from mah sister yeh hear? Or I'll knock yeh out!"

"Before or after he knocks you out?" Tristan asked.

"Shuddup!"

****** 

Meanwhile Yugi sat on a swiveling chair spinning around as some Make up artists did his face. "Um, can I go now? I'm getting dizzy."

"No! We must finish our master piece! You, Yugi, shall be the first one to truly see our genius!" The makeup artist held up a paint brush and posed in a…er…. 'Sexy' way with a black rose while his helpers threw flowers and foundation in the air.

"Oh, ok!" Yugi smiled and begun to swing his feet back and forth occasionally hitting the makeup artist in the shin. '_I get to be the first to see genius; Yami is soooooo going to jealous!_'

****** Meanwhile Mr. M and Mr. Pimp. (Why do I bother to hide who it is? It's pretty obvious it's Malik! *walks off grumbling*)

"Yes, Mr Pegasus we have a new person on our 'team' would you like to meet them?" Mr Pimp purred into the phone as Malik hid a snigger. "Really? Oh goodie! Come on over! It'll be soooooooo much fun!" The pimp squealed delightedly. "You'll love this one!" (DAU shudders) He put the phone down and gave Malik the thumbs up. Malik began to cackle evilly before choking on a hairball.

***** 

Yami was now skipping merrily down the street to Yugi's house. "Sugar, dadadadadadada, you are my Ra-kissed treat and ya got me wanting you ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He sang (Rather badly! ¬¬;) "Sugar…"

"BAKURA!!"

Yami blinked as Bakura came flying out of his gate. "Thief?"

"TOMB RAIDER YAMI!! Oh shit! Help!" He dived behind Yami who was now his shield from the angry and _so_ out of character Ryou.

Malik looked over at the group through the window and grinned. "It's all coming together!"

Pegasus walked- um hang on change that! _Skipped in singing 'YMCA!'. "Oh hullo Malik-boy! What are you doing here?"_

Malik suppressed a shudder. "Oh, I brought the new whore in." He smiled sweetly.

Yugi ran in screaming. "Malik! Look what they did to me!" He gestured to his face with was covered in bright red lipstick on his cheeks, eyelids and blue eye shadow on his lips. The rest of his face was covered in pink felt tip and his hair covered in barney accessories.

"Pegasus, meet your slave for tonight!" Mr. Pimp chirped with dollar signs in his eyes.

Pegasus and Yugi looked at each other.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yugi howled.

"FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Pegasus shrieked and ran out screaming about how if it was Yami he wouldn't have a problem.

Yugi shut his eyes and held his head. "AH! Mental pictures!"

Malik just sat as the pimp cried about how naive and appealing Yugi was, cackling his wicked cackle.

"YOU!" Yugi shouted. "DIE MALIK DIE!!!!!!!" He lunged at Malik with a sword that popped out of nowhere.

Malik paled. 'Where _did he get that sword from? No time to worry! He going to kill me_!' "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Malik ran out the door with a shrieking makeup covered Yugi following him.

Ryou, Marik, Bakura and Yami all looked up at the sound of Malik screaming.

Bakura cracked up when he saw someone chasing the blonde. "So, he finally gets a whore and he doesn't like her!"

Marik blinked at the screaming 'girl' chasing his hikari. "Um, Yami? I believe that's Yugi beneath all that make up."

Everyone blinked at him and looked at the sword wielding person trying to slice down the door Malik had locked to keep him out.

"Dear Ra! It is! Yugi!" Yami shouted running up to him. "What happened?"

Bakura laughed harder than before.

Yugi whirled around and instantly dropped the sword which disappeared again. "Oh Yami! It was horrible! Malik made me go to a pimp! And he, he, LOOK WHAT HE DID TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed sobbing. "My face! I look I walked into Bakura's room!"

Bakura stopped laughing. But Ryou laughed _real_ hard. "Oh my!" He gasped. "So true!"

Bakura glared at his hikari.

Marik stepped forward. "Why don't we go inside, cool down and drink hot cocoa?"

"Good idea!" Yugi chirped, cheering up instantly. "Go inside, kill Malik and drink hot cocoa! Why didn't we think of that Yami?"

"I have no idea." Yami sniggered.

****** And end chappie!

So whatcha think? Gotta go now people! BYE BYE!! Remember to review!


	6. short and boring

Cloud-1-3-5: How _dare_ you! My mind is _much more_ disturbed than yours!

Yami DAU: -_-; Uh hikari? I don't think that's what you meant to say!

Of course it's what I mean!!! *shakes fist and glares* Damn yamis! Give them a millennium item and they think they're generalissimo!

Chpt Six. Wher did we leave off? Ah Yes I remember!

Yami, Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Malik and Marik sat in the basement drinking nice hot cocoa with loads of marshmallows, mmmm marshmallows, I'm hungry! (Yami: No one cares! Quit ruining our story! DAU: *glares* but I'm hungry!)

Ryou was sitting next to Yugi and looking very unhappy about it. Bakura was just as unhappy: he had been seated next to Malik who sat beside Marik. Yami sat beside Yugi and thinking this was better than sitting beside two boys who are insane 24/7 rather than once a blue moon was smirking smugly at the tomb robber.

It was around this time that Bakura noticed Yugi still had the make up on.

That bright makeup.

That bright makeup and Barney hair accessories.

The felt that substituted for foundation.

Ra, it was too much! Bakura fell off his seat and began to laugh hysterically.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!!" Yugi screamed.

The small lightbulb above them flickered then died out.

Everyone looked around blindly until……..yep that's right! ^_^

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Malik, Yugi and Ryou screamed.

The three yamis clutched their ears and fell to the floor. 

"Ra damnit Ryou!" Bakura shrieked. "I've gone deaf thanks to that!"

"Yugi? I've gone deaf too!"

"Malik, when we get home, I will kill you for making me go deaf! As soon as I can hear where you are that is!"

Malik let out a moan. "Why can't I have a nice yami?"

"Cause me and Yugi are special." Ryou said smugly.

"I think it's our eyes Ryou, they make us _so innocent looking our yamis can't find it in their hearts to hurt us!" Yugi snickered._

"So true, so true! Alas, the trials of being innocent!" Ryou feigned looking faint and pretended to wipe his forehead.

The yamis sweat dropped. Marik muttered about 'whipped yamis'.

Ryou reached up into a cupboard and pulled out six candles and matches.

He lit the candles and handed one out to each of them.

They sat in a circle clutching their candles.

Malik set his candle on the floor and closed his eyes holding his hands above the candle. "Ommmmmmmmm, ommmmmmmmmm, ommmmmmmmmmm."

Bakura rolled his eyes. "You can't contact the dead dumb ass!"

Ryou sweatdropped.

Yugi was too busy washing the gunk off his face to care about what his friends were doing. "Hmph kill Malik when I get this shit off my face."

Malik overheard and moved closer to his yami who was trying to blow out Yami's candle.

Yami noticed and whacked him over the head. "Ra damnnit Marik! Don't blow out my candle to make yours brighter!"

Ten seconds later Yami's candle went out anyway! ^_^

"HAHA! My candle's brighter!" Marik crowed.

Bakura and Yami did this: ¬¬; "Idiot!"

"Nooooo! Mine is!" Malik cried.

Ryou sweatdropped. "Why do I bother?"

Yugi plopped down beside him. "Are we still teaching them about house hold appliances?"

"When the power comes back on." Malik cackled stroking his candle. "And when it does……OW!! I BURNT MYSELF!!"

Yami and Bakura snickered as their hikari's rolled their eyes.

The power came back on.

Yugi, Malik and Ryou cheered before remembering about the lesson.

They shrieked in horror.

****End chappie.

Boring I know but it gets better next time. (I Think)


	7. short and the begining of the evil vacuu...

Replies.

Dragon Tamer: Of course Bakura's in trouble! Isn't he always? Sheer brilliance? _Moi__?!__ Well written? Me?! *sniff* I feel so special! *hugs dragon tamer* ^_^_

Spiritmind: Sweetie, I never said the bug was his fave I just said he'd get upset if an exterminator was called in it kill it. Never accuse your authoress of wrong doing! It's considered rude. Your review came off as a mild flame to me but I like you anyway! ^_^ I hope you will enjoy this next chappie!

Shadowcatleader: Never fear! You'll find out what happens soon enough! *evil grin*

Wild Wolf: Interesting? You might want to try insane, disturbing, horror or all of the above! ^_^ Again, I hope you enjoy this chappie!

Yugiohlover: *DAU's eye twitches* Ok, that is it! People with ESP are now banned from reading my fic! Jeez! Do you like to spoil the fic for yourselves or something? Wait, what if…. Oh no…….WHAT IF THIS IS NOT ESP BUT ME BEING BEING PREDICTABLE?! My life is OVER! *sob* *runs off crying*

Cloud-1-3-5: I'll show you! I AM much weirder than you bucko!

Yami DAU: OH FOR RA'S SAKE!! You are both EQUALLY INSANE!!!

Shut up Yami! It's the principle of the matter! Without this little argument there wouldn't be author notes! Right Cloud? ^_^

This chappie is for the Dragon tamer cos of the really, really nice reviews I've gotten from ya! ^___^

Chpt 7: Class resumes! Tee hee! They're doomed all over again!

Like old time Christians being marched into the Roman arena the three lights tracked up the stairs. Yugi, a would be pale with horror had he not scrubbed so hard to remove the make up, walked slowly with his head hanging low in defeat. Ryou had developed a distinct twitching in his eye, though this may be due to the fact Malik was singing Barney under his breath. Yes Barney lived on in spirit. Now if only we could get rid of that spirit! ^o^

Yugi looked around the living room. "Is there anything we can show that's safe?"

"Not really." Ryou replied looking fearfully at his yami who had found something under the stairs.

"Ohh! Can we learn about the soul sucker, Ryou?"

"Soul sucker?" Yugi and Ryou repeated.

"No fair! I wanna have the soul sucker! Yugi!" Yami wailed.

"Finders keepers, losers weepers!" My Kura-chan sang. He's so cute! ^_^ (Yami DAU: *rolls eyes* no one cares for your opinion!)

"What soul sucker?" Yugi repeated.

Bakura held up the almighty, the all powerful vacuum!

All cower before the might of the vacuum! It can suck your souls from your very vessels! (Yami DAU: *blinks* riiiiiight. Hikari have you been into my icing sugar again? DAU: noooooooooo *giggles*)

"Uhhh, Bakura? That's vacuum cleaner. It sucks the dirt from the floor." Ryou said slowly.

"Oh, dirt huh? PHAROAH! NOW YOU DIE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Yugi and Ryou groaned as Bakura began to chase Yami over the living room with the vacuum cleaner. They knocked over a lamp and nearly the TV had Malik not of dived forward and used his body as a cushion for the TV.

"OMG Malik! Are you ok?"

Malik looked up at them through pain ridden eyes. "Is TV ok?"

"TV is fine, you saved it's life Malik." Ryou confirmed teary eyed. "Malik, hold on! We'll get a doctor! You'll be alright!"

"The TV is safe Ryou, my sacrifice was not in vain." He closed his eyes and went limp. The two lights lowered their heads.

"Nooooooooooooo! Malik!" Marik cried, flinging himself on his hikari. "Why? Why? Ra take me instead!"

"Marik? He's just unconscious that's all. He's not dead!" Ryou pointed out. (Who thought he was dead? Come on, admit it! Now think: Would I kill off one of my precious boys? ^_~)

Marik looked at them, hope shining in his eyes or was that the light from the lamp? "Really?" They nodded. "RA DAMNIT!" He shouted jumping up and stomping off in to the kitchen. "All those superb dramatics for nothing!"

Ryou shook his head and rolled his eyes. Rolled his eyes, that's kinda an instinctive thing to do when ya think about it ne? (Yami DAU: Quit. Ruining. The. STORY! DAU: I am NOT ruining it! It's my story therefore I CAN'T ruin it!*sticks tongue out a yami*)

Yugi was watching the chase. His lips curled up into a smile before a small giggle escaped him. Pretty soon he was rolling on the floor laughing.

"Yugi?" Ryou asked uncertain. His friend was not well at all. No, no, no.

"They…vacuum…off… Funny!" He gasped.

"Okkkkkkkkkkk." Ryou looked at the albino waving the vacuum around. Then he discovered what was so funny. Apart from the furious shouting, there was no sound. The vacuum wasn't on! He too began rolling around on the floor laughing.

Everyone looked at them funny. o.O;

"I think we need to teach you about the vacuum before you can do anything Bakura." Ryou said once he had composed himself.

"Great! Hurry it up! The sooner I know about this thing the sooner I can destroy Yami!"

Ryou rolled his eyes again. See? It's instinctive! (Yami DAU: SHUT UP! DAU: NO! If I shut then the chapter ends HERE! Yami DAU: I can live with that! Yugi: Noooo! I wanna know what's gonna happen! DAU: Ok story will continue! ^_^ Yugi: ^__^)

"Sit down you two." Yugi coaxed gently. The two darks surpisingly listened. Wait, they listened? AHHH HELL'S FROZEN OVER! (Yami DAU: I'm going to have to gag her to shut her up!)

"Now to turn the vacuum on you plug it into the wall and switch it on." Yugi does this. "See?" He asked as the hum of the vacuum confirmed it was actually on now. He moved to show the darks. Anyone care to guess what happens? ^__^  Dare I leave it here? Hmmmm YEA! Make you all say what it is! Muahahahahahaha!

R&R or I no say!


	8. vacuum saga

To cloud-1-3-5 : You bet your semi insane mind you love my fic ! "novel ways of releasing yours" Does this I'm better at showing how much more disturbed I am in the head? YES! I knew it! I AM worser! Muahahahahaha!
    
    Yami DAU: *shakes head* Word to the insane cloud, careful what you say, she'll twist it around to suit her. Personally I think she's loving this. She finally gets someone who thinks they're more mental than her. & that hasn't happened b4.
    
    To 
    
    Yugiohlover: LMAO!! I did that once too! Only I also did the lounge b4 clicking on that bloody think was OFF! *shakes head and sighs* my yami has never let me forget that.
    
    Exbobble06: Oh course he's evil! ^__^ He's one of my boys ain't he?
    
    Lord R: "Beautiful"? *shrugs* feh, I made ya laugh so I guess that'll work.
    
    Nowscaredofappliances: *raises eyebrow* My fic wouldn't have anything to do with your name would it? Come on it's not that scary. Well it you don't include Barney…and the sugar high Yami…And the-Ok now I'm scared! The treadmill? Hmmmmm I will have to consider that! *evil grin*
    
    Duos bunny: *bows* thank you! Thank you! It makes me feel so special to get really really good reviews though your yamis a tad insane but yours can't be as bad as mine. Mine has a tendency to try and kill me.
    
    Dragon tamer: nope! You're right, I don't clean often! ^_^ why clean when I can write? Vacuum cleaners are EVIL! They should be OUTLAWED! Practically since they never work for me!

Chpt eight: Why you should **_NOT_ own a vacuum.**

Yugi had just turned around with the vacuum cleaner……that was on.

Bakura grabbed Ryou and held him in front as a shield.

Marik shrieked and demanded that Malik came to that very minute so that he oculd use him as a shield. He then decided that an unconscious Malik for a shield was better than one that was awake since he wouldn't have to hear Malik whine like his sister did.

And our little Yami cried like a little girl who got spanked by mummy dearest. "Why? Yugi! I thought you liked me!"

"I do like you Yami, you're my friend." Yugi said confused. He stepped forward and Yami freaked out again.

"STAY AWAY!! I'LL…I'LL MIND CRUSH YOU!"

"What?" Yugi wailed. "I'm your friend why would you do that?"

"You are trying to steal my soul!"

"I AM not!"

"Are TOO!"

"AM not!"

"Are TOO!"

"AM not!"

"Are TOO!"

"AM not!"

"Are TOO!"

"AM not!"

"Are TOO!"

"AM not!"

"Are TOO!"

"AM not!"

"Are TOO!"

"AM not!"

"Are TOO!" Yami screamed, tears rolling down his face. "I thought you were my aibou Yugi! I thought you were different from the rest!

"I am! And I am NOT trying to steal your soul!" Yugi said exasperated.

"You are! You are! I can see the soul sucker in your hand! Why Yugi? Answer me that! Why?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF FREAKING RA!! TURN THE BLOODY VACUUM OFF SO HE'LL SHUT UP AND MY YAMI WILL STOP CHOKING ME!" Ryou shouted as Bakura clung to his neck in fear. Bakura was whimpering and that scared Ryou.

It scared him a lot.

Marik raised an eyebrow. "Okkkkkkkkkkkkk, I thought I was the psycho."

"You are Marik." Bakura replied releasing his hikari still eyeing the evil thing in Yugi's hands as it hummed innocently.

God he wanted nothing more than to kill it.

He wanted to hear it scream. 

He wanted to see it beg for mercy.

He also wanted to go get a happy meal from Mcdonalds! ^_^ (Yami DAU: *slaps head* idiot! Disgrace to yamis everywhere!)

He grinned in that sadistic malevolent way we all know and love.

Ryou eyed his yami worried. That look was not good news.

It was horrible news. Someone was going to die.

Ryou looked over at Yugi.

Yugi who had the vacuum cleaner clutched firmly in his hands.

Ryou knew who was going to be in the Shadow Realm now.

"Yugi! Turn it off! Bakura is going to-mmph!" Ryou was cut off by his yami slapping a hand over his mouth.

"What was that Ryou?" Yugi diverted his attention from his currently girlyish yami. HE shrugged and turned around again. He gave a small animal like squeal when he saw Yami right in front of him.

And Yami had blood red eyes. Like a rabid wolf.

"Maybe this wasn't such a great idea." Ryou muttered as Yugi let out a shriek and ran. 

Yami gave a roar that the blue eyes white dragon would have been ashamed of and gave chase.

Malik decided to wake up after Yami's roar. "What he bloody hell does he call that? Ra! Even _Ryou sounds scarier than that!"_

"Thanks." Ryou muttered.

"We need to destroy the evil vacuum Marik!" Bakura declared.

"Yes, it has corrupted Yugi, and that will no doubt spread to our hikaris. We can not save poor Yugi- alas we knew thee well- but we can save our hikaris." Marik said. He turned and bent down beside Malik. "Malik, I may not come back and if I don't… YOU KEEP THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!!"

"IT'S MY ROOM TOO YOU LOSER!!"

"IS NOT!"

"IS TOO!"

The two engaged in mud wrestling.

Ryou blinked. "Where the bloody hell did that mud come from?" (oops! Wrong fic! U_U;)

The mud disappeared and they continued to wrestle.

Bakura whacked Ryou over the head. "Bad Hikari! Such language is not acceptable!"

"Whatever." Ryou mumbled sitting down.

Bakura jumped onto the couch next to him. "Ohhhh! Hikari, what is this?"

"Huh? Oh, that's a TV Bakura."

"What does that do?"

"Tell you when Yugi and Yami calm down."

"Grrrrrrrrr, I want to know NOW!" He shouted sinking into a sulk. As well as the couch.

Ryou rolled his eyes. Some days, he decided, it was better to be stuck with a freaky PE teacher.

Bakura's eyes lit up and he bounded- yes that's right BOUNDED- out of the room. "Be right back Hikari!" He half giggled? Him? Okkkkkkkk.

Ryou blinked, looking at the spot Bakura had been sitting.

He blinked again. "If he comes back with a dead old lady, I am going to steal that vacuum cleaner off Yugi." He said slowly.

"How often does he do that?"

"Wha?"

"Bring back dead old ladies." Malik repeated.

"Oh." Ryou shrugged. "Once every full moon."

"Why?"

"Don't' ask."

"Why."

"Cos I REALLY don't feel like explaining."

"Why?"

"Cos I just don't alright?"

"Why?"

"Damnit Malik! SHUT UP!"

"Ok, I love you! Bye bye!" Malik said cutely and skipped to the kitchen.

"Lookie Ryou! They've calmed down! Can we learn about TV now?" Bakura sang walking in.

"I guess s- what the? BAKURA! YOU KNOCKED THEM OUT?!"

"Yep!" He said cheerfully depositing the unconscious pharaoh and his hikari on the lazy boy.

"WHY?!"

"Cause it was the only way to calm them down." He shrugged then looked at Ryou with wide eyes. "Are you mad?"

Ryou glared then looked away. "Damnit, that's my look! You're not supposed to be able to pull it off!"

"So you're not mad?" Bakura cheered up.

"No." Ryou admitted sighing.

"Yay!" Bakura cheered hugging him. "Now we can learn about the TV."

"It's always about the flipping TV." Ryou sighed. 

Bakura tugged on his shirt.

"What?"

"You left the vacuum thingy on the ground."

Ryou's eye twitched as Yami came to.

"MIND CRUSH!"

"Yamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Yugi wailed. "I need that to clean the floor after you make a mess!"

Yami shrugged and sat down next to Bakura and Marik.

The three hikari's decided it was in their best interest to sit beside the TV.

"What are we going to do? You know they will flip out when we turn it on."

Malik grinned. "How about we scare them? And I mean badly!"

Yugi frowned. "How?"

"Well they know about TV, but thye've never seen one on."

"Yea so?" Ryou asked slowly getting it on his on.

"Sooo this is what we will do…." Malik began whispering. Evil grins took over the innocent smiles on their faces.

The yamis sat arguing over who had to sit next to Yugi before Yami was outvoted and elected to sit next to Yugi.

"It's not fairrrrrrrrr! I'm the pharaoh!"

"So? These are new times! Get with it Yugioh!" Marik said snapping his fingers.

"Yea." Bakura snorted "You are soo outdated! Old-timer!"

"What are they smiling about?" Marik asked noting the looks on the three lights faces.

"I dunno, maybe they're trying psychology. You know to freak us out when they have nothing to back it up."

"That sounds right." Bakura nodded. "Ryou can't do shit. He's such a weakling. All shouting and no muscle."

"Oh, Malik has some muscle, not much but he has some." Marik said. "He's also got a nice knife collection too. Very nice. Pity he won't let me within ten feet of it."

"Thank Ra for that." Yami muttered. "Yugi's alright. Nice grandpa, mice home but he has absolutely no backbone. Which is how I get my weekly killing spree." He added grinning evilly. "Bullies beat up him. I kill them! It is sooooooo much fun! And the looks on their faces when 'Yugi' starts to beat them up is priceless! Hey thief, you should come along next time! You can take a picture for me!"

Bakura shrugged. "Why not? AND DO NOT CALL ME THEIF! I AM A TOMB ROBBER!"

*** 

WOW! I put this up real quickly huh? *shrugs* I guess I'm on a role. There was no school today and when no ones home I get bored so I write! ^__^ Are y'all lucky for that?

Yami DAU: I think, my hikari needs time off from this writing thing.

DAU: NOOOOOOOOOO I DON'T!!!! LOOK I'M SANE!! Right guys? *looks at readers for help* say yes or else she won't let me near my computer!


	9. Reoborn the MONSTER! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yami DAU: Konnichiwa Minna-san! 

Cloud, I demand to know what you said in your last review! Cos whatever it was got my hikari all weird. I had to write this chapter! Please! She's- oh I can not bear to say it!- she's dressing like the _preps_! It's scary! Please! And she won't even _write_! It's like she's lost the will to live on! *points to DAU staring at soap opera on TV* And she's watching _soap operas_ for the love of Ra and listening to _Justin Timberlake_!  Oh, for the joyous days when I would yell at her for playing Papa Roach and Bad Religion up loud! T_T

Hikari? 

DAU: Not now yami! Shortland street is on!

o.O; Nooooo! The horror! Hikari. This first part is for you, I hope it will break down that horrid wall you built between you and the world. I hope you will return to fanfiction and make me some damn food! I mean helloooooooooo! I'm starving!

To all you readers I do not own the song and neither does that empty vessel I call my hikari. I hope you're happy Cloud, cos she's gone now and it's ALL YOUR FAULT! *Runs off crying*

Chpt Nine: Reborn the Monster!

"Yamis!" Ryou chirped. The three looked at him. "Before we start we want to sing a song!"

Marik paled. "Do we have to listen?"

"Yes!" Malik replied grinning. "Hit it Yugi m'man!"

Yugi pressed a button on the stereo, the one thing the yamis actually knew how to work without… destructive results. Music blasted the room.

"What are our hikari's wearing?" Bakura shouted over the drums.

"Leather!" Marik answered cheekily.

True, they had on leather pants and shirts, not to mention those cool leather bracelets with spikes on them and some necklaces with what looked like demented skull pendants. 

Malik held up a hairbrush -That's my hairbrush! Bakura shrieked. Oh shut up thief. Yami had replied- and Malik began to sing:

_Have you been to the desert?_

_Have you walked with the dead?_

_There's a hundred thousand children_

_Being killed for their bread_

Malik began to play on an air guitar while Ryou took over.

_And the figures don't lie_

_They speak of human disease_

_But we do what we want_

_And we think what we please_

Ryou started to bang some spoons on the chair beside him like a drum as Yugi took over.

_Have you lived the experience?_

_Have you witnessed the plague_

_People making babies _

_Sometimes just to escape_

_In this land of competition the compassion is gone  
yet we ignore the needy and we keep pushing on  
we keep pushing on_  
  


All three began to sing in unison:

_This is just a punk rock song  
Written for the people who can see something's wrong  
Like ants in a colony we do our share  
But there's so many other fuckin' insects out there  
And this is just a punk rock song  
  
_

Before they could sing more their delightful yamis banished the stereo to the Shadow Realm.

"Yami!" Yugi half shrieked. "That was a $500 stereo!"

"So?" Bakura snorted. "I'll just steal you a new one! We want to learn about the TV!"

"TV! TV!" Marik and Yami chanted.

(Yami DAU: Hikari? *Looks at where DAU is applying pink nail polish to her toes and watching more soap operas* Oh hikari, I guess I have to write the rest.)

"Fine." Ryou sighed, deciding to give in before they banished anything else of Yugis…or start on his.

The yamis cheered gleefully. Finally! They would learn about the wondrous TV they had heard so much about.

Unfortunately they failed to notice the small tri-coloured haired light ducking out of the room and Malik placing a speaker under the TV and moving behind the yamis showing Ryou a microphone.

Ryou and Malik grinned sadistically. Light or no Light! You do not ruin their kitchen or send the coveted stereo to the shadow realm.

*** 

Yami DAU: *wipes sweat off face* Wow, this thinking and writing gig is hard! Review and Cloud apologise! I NEVER want to think that hard again! If I have to I will hunt you down and rip your soul from your body!

DAU: What the hell?! Yami what did you do to my fic?

Yami DAU: You're, you're normal! Thank you RA! *hugs DAU*

DAU: GAH! *looks at readers.* Alright, what did you do to my yami?

Yami DAU: You were acting all weird and preppy and watching scary TV and m-music!

Dau: Yami? That was a dare from my friends. I _had _to ignore you to pass the dare. You thought _Cloud_ had something to do with it. _Him_? He can't do _anything_ to me! For one thing he doesn't know where I live! ^_~

Yami DAU: Oh. I knew that!

DAU: Whatever. Let's get this fic on! *pumps fists* by the way Yami. Never write my fics for me. *punches Yami DAU*

Yami DAU: Oh sweet Ra! She's back! ^_^

**** 

"Yami! Yami!" Came a desperate cry from Yugi.

"Yugi! What's wrong?" Yami shot to his feet like a bullet, reaching for his cards.

"Lookie! I can do shadow magic!" came the innocent, sweet and simple reply.

Yami fell over. "What?! Oh Yugi! I'm so proud of you! I didn't have to teach you it at all!" He gushed.

"Yea right." Marik and Bakura snorted.

"It's true!' Yugi insisted. "Watch!" He paused to wink at Malik and Ryou who grinned and gave him the thumbs up. "Reborn the monster!"

A vacuum cleaner appeared beneath the TV.

"GAH! YUGIIIIIII!!!" Yami roared.

Yugi sat there smiling innocently.

From his hiding place beneath the stairs Ryou stifled a laugh and hissed eerily into his microphone.

Mari, Bakura and Yami stared in horrified silence as the _Vacuum Cleaner hissed at them._

"Pharaoh Yugioh, Thief Bakura, Psychopath Marik…I have come for thee souls."

"Tomb robber!' Bakura corrected. "It's freaking tomb robber for the love of RA!!"

Malik turned on the TV and said in a matter of fact voice. "This is where Vacuum keeps all the souls. Ain't he just kawaii?" He finished by hugging the said vacuum.

'_I love you, you love me_.'

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Bakura and Yami howled in pain as Marik screamed in their ears.

"Ra Malik! Release Barney!" He sobbed.

"Release all BUT Barney so Ra help me Malik!" Bakura threatened pulling out some cards. Yami stood up holding the Dark Magician.

Yugi clamped onto the arm with the card. "But Yamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! We just wanted to show you where Lord Vacuum keeps his prisoners! All hail vacuum!" Yugi bowed to the vacuum much to the yamis horror.

"All hail Vacuum, Lord of Souls!" Malik and Ryou chorused getting on the ground and bowing also. Malik hit a button and the program changed.

'_Twinky__ Winky, Dipsy, Lala, __Po__.'_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Marik screamed and raced up stairs only to fall back down them again. He sprang to his feet, shook his head clear and flew back up the stairs…

And fell down again! ^__^;

He blinked and then scowled. "What in Ra's name keeps doing  that?"

Malik looked at his yami;s 'great' attempt of escape and then sat back chuckling at a bill for a glass door in his hand. "Expensive but soooooo worth it!"

Bakura and Yami looked to Yugi for answers.

"Lord Vacuum has trapped you." He explained simply. "He says he wasn't very happy when you sent Dame Stereo to the Shadow Realm or sent his lordship himself for that matter."

"Ra, the vacuum has taken our hikaris." Yami muttered.

"Kill them." The vacuum hissed.

Malik and Yugi started for the three yamis with empty eyes.

*** End Chappie!

DAU: Now THAT is how you write a fic yami! Yami?

Yami DAU:Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

DAU: Feh fine! I', going to cheerleadering tryouts!

Yami DAU:*bolts up* Nooooooooooooo! It wasn't a dream!

DAU: *laughs hysterically*

Yami DAU: *throws the Sword of Dark Destruction at her hikari* You little- I'd kill you if I wasn't so relieved!

DAU: @_@ Lucky me. Methinks I'll go beddy bye. *faints*


	10. TT I have upsetting news for you

Plushies! PlushiesPlushiesPlushiesPlushies!!! Thank you YugiohLover!! *hugs Bakura plushie* I got a Bakura plushie and candy!!! Yea!

Yami DAU: o.O; I wanna plushie! What's a plushie anyway?

DAU: Go bother YL's yami for one. These are MINE! *dives into plushies* They're all so kawaii!

Yami DAU: *shrinks away in embarrassment* What a weirdo.*turns on light*

DAU: GAH! *hisses* Turn that thing off!

Yami DAU: It's a light hikari!

DAU: It's EVIL! Turn it off! *summons dark magician* Dark Magic attack! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! *ahem* NOW TURN OFF THE BLOODY LIGHT!!

Yami DAU: *turns off light* sheesh, didn't know she had such strong feelings about the light.

P.S I apologize for my yamis behavior last chapter. Sorry cloud that don't include you cos it's kind a funny how she immediately thought you were to blame for my n-n-_normalness. Hey! I said the 'n' word! ^_^ *cowers* it's still scary!_

**Chpt** Ten.**** Why bother with names for chappies?****

"BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Yami, Marik and Bakura blinked as the two lights fell down laughing, clutching their sides tightly.

Ryou jumped forward waving a camera. "I got the photos!"

"Score!" Malik gasped getting up. "That was one hell of a joke!"

"Joke?" Bakura questioned.

Every an idiot could see the gears turning in the three darks heads. (Yami DAU: You mean yourself? DAU: *throws fireball at her yami* never insult me, bizatch! Yami DAU: ?? @_@)

"Do you think?" Ryou began.

"The joke's over?" Yugi finished.

"Yup." Malik replied.

"Our yamis look mad." Ryou said.

"Like red eyed rabbi infested wolves." Yugi added.

"That want to consume our souls." Malik joined in.

"Gonna be violent?" Ryou asked Malik.

"Most likely." Came the reply.

"The room's not going to survive is it?" Yugi asked.

"Absolutely not." A very calm, cheerful response.

"The world will end."

"Yea." Yugi agreed.

"Oh, I would go that far Ryou-chan." Malik said cheerfully. "Just our lives!"

Ryou and Yugi sweatdropped. "Great." Ryou muttered.

"Wait! We still have a chance!" Yugi whispered breathlessly.

"What?" Came the hiss.

"Our yami fell asleep while we were talking!" He said in a cheeky three year olds voice whilst pointing at the yamis sprawled on the floor. Ryou felt tempted to take a photo again. Bakura and Yami were side by side: And they had not knocked each other out either. A exceedingly rare occurrence

"Ready?" Malik whispered. The two nodded. "Good, three…two…one…GO!" He shouted running to the kitchen and tearing up the stairs in there. Yugi and Ryou wre hot on his heels as the shouts and roars of anger erupted from their yamis.

They threw the millennium items off and locked themselves in Yugi's bedroom.

Moments later pounding on the door were there lovable yamis! ^_^ (Yami DAU: Lovable my foot!)

"I believe we're safe." Yugi gasped.

"For now." Malik pointed out.

Ryou was searching the room frantically for a means of weapons against the yamis. "AHA!" He cried triumphantly, diving into Yugi's wardrobe and throwing things out. A rubber ducky, a toy gun, something that should not meantioned. Finally he pulled out… oh shit, damn you Ryou! Now I have to say IT!

Another f****** singing barney toy! _And _a bloody singing Tinky Winky toy as well!

"The first it is to ward off yami and Bakura. The second it is for Marik." He explained while the other two hissed and backed against the wall. "Come on guys, what would you choose: Holding this vile things for a minute or death?"

"DEATH!" They shrieked.

Ryou's eyes flashed red and his hand drew dangerously close to the pull strings.

"You wouldn't!" Malik said confidently. He paled when Ryou closed his hand around the small ring and began to pull it slowly out with a mad twinkle in his eyes. "Ra damnit! You would!"

"Lemme outa here!" Yugi screamed and flung the door open and tore down the stairs leaving three shaken yamis flat on their butts.

"Did your Yugi-?" Bakura began.

"Yes he did knock us over and HE IS NOT MY YUGI!!!" Yami shouted. "The author doesn't write yoais!"

"Author?" Bakura echoed.

"Yoais?" Marik questioned.

They both shook their heads. "Dude you're cracking up."

Yami paid no heed to them- he was too busy muttering about evil authoresses who try to reduce to rubble his perfectly normal and sane life. (^_~ and we all know how many of us there are don't we? And I didn't ruin his life did I? Yami DAU: Not yet. DAU: shut up)

Malik glanced quickly and fearfully at the gay purple IT in Ryou's hands. Then at the three yamis still seated on their butts. Then he bolted out the door. "Yugi!" He shouted. "Wait for m-OW! OW! OW! OW!"

A series of loud and painful sounding thuds confirmed that, yes, Malik had tripped and fallen down the stairs.

Ryou chuckled and hurled the two nightmarish things out the window and into the next door neighbours bonfire. (DAU: Ooohhhhh…fire. YEA BURN… THINGIES BURN! Yami DAU: I'm ashamed to know you hikari.) "Gets them everytime." He said softly and ran down stairs to find his friends before the yamis could recover from their initial shock.

*** 

Malik and Yugi were sitting in the small room under the stiars when Ryou crawled in and locked the door behind him.

Both let out mousey 'eep's and scrambled backwards making crosses with their fingers.

"Really! What's the matter with you?" Ryou asked reaching for them with both his hands.

Malik whimpered and curled in to a ball. (He looks so kawaii when he does that! ^_^)

Yugi blinked. Stared at Ryou's hands. Blinked. Then smiled. "You got rid of them!" He squealed lunging forward and hugging Ryou. "Finally! I can go back in my wardrobe! I've been afraid to enter it since Marik threw those vile things in there!"

"You could of asked me to remove it. Isis makes me do it all the time." Malik pointed out miffed.

"HIKARI!!" Three voices boomed. Our three heroes groaned. The yamis had awoken.

*** Is it just me, or is this dragging on? Feh, who cares? ^__^ ****

"YUGI!" Yami shouted prying the boy out of the small room after Bakura- erm- _opened the door. The door that was now currently in pieces and being fed to his man eater bug. "Why are you feeding that thing?"_

"He's hungry, we can't have him eating our hikaris now can we?" He grinned cruelly. As though reconsidering it.

"Don't even think about it." Marik threatened pulling Malik out roughly. "I need Malik to keep Isis away from me and cook me food."

"I need Yugi so I don't go back in the puzzle!" Yami said brightly.

"I need to Ryou because I hate his father and would rather not have lecture on killing people coming from that old goat!" Bakura snapped dragging Ryou out. "That and he makes coolie brownies."

"I see." Yugi muttered scratching his cheek and looking away. "Can we go now?" 

"NO!" Came the instantaneous response.

"Just asking." Yugi sulked.

"It always hurts to ask baka." Bakura growled.

"Geez! Stop being so aggressive Bakura!" Ryou whined.

"I am NOT aggressive! I am homicidally challenged!" He corrected.

"That's even worse." Malik muttered.

"OW!! YUGI!!!" Everyone looked over and found Yami rubbing his hand. "He bit me!" He wailed pointing at the small tri-colored hair boy scampering away.

"RUN YUGI! RUN!" Malik and Ryou shrieked. "They're catching up!"

Malik blinked. "Hey! They let us go! Come Ryou! Let us make our escape!" He said dramatically pulling on a black cape and flying around.

Ryou sweatdropped and began inching away from the blonde boy. Once around the corner he ran across the street to the old lady's and hid in her house. She was deaf anyway. "Hee hee safe, nice and safe. Safe is good." He muttered rocking himself.

*** Back at the house.

"Brm brm! I'm an airplane!" Malik yelled. "Argh! Terrorists are hijacking me! ARGH! Man overboard!"

The four others stopped in their game of 'Chase Yugi, Kill Yugi' and glanced at the boy.

"He's crazy!" Yugi whimpered hiding behind Yami.

"Marik! He's your hikari!" Bakura pointed. "Sort him out!"

"Yea! Well… he's your friend!"

"No he's not!" Bakura and Yami roared.

Ryou choose to walk back in at this moment. "Oh f- DAMNIT! He's still doing that!" He dived behind Bakura. "Marik! He's your hikari!"

"Again with this?" Marik sighed. "Fine. Come on Malik, the to land the terrorists went 'boom'!"

Malik flew up the stairs.

Everyone watched the boy plane wonder leave.

"Umm Yami?"

"Yes Yugi?"

"the bedroom windows open."

"SHIT!!" The three darks cursed loudly and tore upstair.

"Hey, Yugi."

"Yes Ryou?"

"Can we stop teaching them about home appliances? I think it's safer for my health if we just continue to do everything for them" Ryou groaned.

"Well I want this to drag on." Yugi admitted sheepishly.

"WHY?!"

"Cause after this…driving lessons begin." Yugi paled. "Seto, Joey and Tristan have our yamis first but it's only a matter of time before they make us do it." He swallowed thickly. "I really don't want to die Ryou."

Ryou blinked. "Let's teach them about the, the- oh no! We've ran out of things!" He cried.

"What? There has to be something!" Yugi wailed desperately.

Ryou looked him in the eye. "You want to teach them about guns?"

"Well, I was thinking of Grampas treadmill." Yugi pointed behind him.

Ryou looked up and saw that marvelous treadmill shining in the light as angels sang. "Thank you Ra!" he sobbed.

**** End chappie!

^____^ Wow nearly finished! *smiles falls off* WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YAMI MY STOREIS NEARLY DONE!!

Yami DAU: really? WHOOOHOOOO! FREEFREEFREE!! *runs out whooping*

DAU: *sniffle* she doesn't understand! I love my story!! I wont hear from any of you guys again after this. No wait, that's a good thing isn't it?

No it's not. It's bad. If  I write a sequel you promise ya'll review? *puppy eyes* pretty please?


	11. GOOD NEWS!

DAU: WHO MISSED ME?!

Yami DAU: No one hikari,

DAU; Whaaaaaaat?! *starts crying* that's not nice! I didn't do anything to…YOU! *Sets killer bunny received from DT on yami* Why must you torture me yami?! Go bother someone else for once in your fucked up life!!

Yami DAU: @_@ Is this why guys are scared of you? Ohhhhh pretty colours. *passes out on her plushies given by also DT*

DAU: I nearly forgot! BETH! YOU LEAVE MY FRIEND AKA YOUR _HIKARI ALONE!! *clears throat* if you must release your homicidal urges do so on my yami! I don't like her. *pouts* DT gave her plushies! I wanted plushies! But I did get pixie sticks so I won't complain! ^______^_

To Duos bunnie: Damn straight we have to tame these things! Yamis are evil but nowhere near as evil as us. ^_~ *forms evil plans in head* They haven't a prayer! *evil cackle*

Yami DAU: wha? @_@ methinks I'll go beddy bye! *faints*

Thanks DT for the killer bunny! -*glomps killer bunny* He's so kawaii! And he hates my yami! He's the best thing that ever happened to me! *glomps DT* Do you know how long I've wanted someone to give me something I _liked? There's a little not at the bottom of this page that should cheer you up! ^_^_

Chpt 11

"Ahem, Yami, Bakura…Marik." Ryou paused to glare at the spirit nursing the large bump on his friend's unconscious head. A bump Marik had caused.

"Hey! It was a knockout or Malik flying out yonder bedroom window!" Marik defended himself.

"Why not just kill him while you're at it!" Bakura said sarcastically.

Marik looked at Bakura. Then at Malik and then settled his gaze on his two fellow spirits. "Okie dokie Bakura!' He chirped swinging Malik over his shoulder and skipping towards the door.

"SIT DOWN!" Everyone shouted.

Marik turned around confused, "but Bakura said-"

"I was joking." Bakura said exasperated.

"You have to stop that. Last time you joked about killing people the weirdo dropped on bomb on some city!" Ryou snapped.

"That was not my fault." Bakura cried in defense. "How was I supposed to know the idiot was unstable upstairs?" He made a spinning motion with a finger next to his ear.

Yami blinked. "You convinced a loon to bomb mortals? Not bad." He let out a low whistle of appreciation.

Bakura bowed. "Thank you. Thank you, I try."

"Bakura!" Ryou scolded.

"Oh shut up O' girlish of hikaris"

"I am NOT girly!"

"Are too! Look at you! All that hair and soft features and no muscles! Guys have hardened features girly Ryou!"

"NOT GIRLY!" Ryou roared flipping the chair over.

"He needs anger management." Yami whispered to Bakura.

"Tried. Worked for a month. Then the counselor agreed that he looked girly. End of him!"

"Group counseling?' Marik suggested dumping cold water over Malik's face.

"Too dangerous for the group."

"Vacation?" Yugi chirped.

"Costs money kid."

"I am NOT a KID!" Yugi yelled joining Ryou in flipping things over.

"Great." yami moaned. "You made him mad!"

"Have _you_ tried anger management?" Bakura sneered.

"Shut up tomb robber."

The effect of these simple two words produced what I guess called be called a chain reaction in some weird way.

Malik jolted awake quickly clutching the mountain on his head in pain. Marik turned sharply to see if he had heard right and to check if yes Malik had come to and he skidded on a stray puddle of soapy bubbles that the hikaris had…um… forgotten and slid into the kitchen where he promptly landed in the oven. He was then reported to be seen thanking the oven with glomps and kisses. -_-;

Ryou and Yugi halted in their flipping over furniture rampage and collapsed on the ground clutching each other and muttering incoherently.

Bakura blinked. Looked at Yami. Blinked twice. Darted his eyes towards Ryou and Yugi who were shaking. Blinked. Then slowly –and I mean slowly- a smile formed on his face. "So now." He began quietly. "You admit I rob tombs." He grinned lopsidedly. "About time!" He roared slapping Yami on the back which sent him flying over the couch.

"Owie." Yami whined. "If you keep this up I'll demote you to kleptomaniac." Bakura scowled angrily at this.

"Since when does Yami know such big, big words?" Ryou whispered to Yugi sniggering.

"Believe or not, the King of Games reads the thesaurus every night just so he won't sound stupid in front of people." Yugi replied giggling.

"No!" Ryou gasped between laughing.

"Yes!" Yugi howled with laughter.

"Yugi? Ryou?"

The two said hikari's looked up to see Malik staring at them. "Did I just dream it or was I acting like I was an aeroplane?" He whispered flushing.

"No sorry, wasn't a dream." Ryou chirped. "You were very…disturbing."

"What are we teaching them about now?" Malik sighed hoping to change the subject.

The two beamed. "Treadmills!" They chirped together.

Malik grinned weakly. "Oh, treadmills! How nice…hehheh." Malik swayed on his feet then fainted murmuring. "Nightynight all. Lookie at all the stars."

Yugi frowned as Ryou scowled. "Figures. He would leave us to do all the work." Ryou snorted.

"TREADMILL!!" Three hyped up yamis gleefully shouted.

"More like trial by fire." Ryou muttered to no one.

"Let's just get this over with." Yugi sighed. "I found two more things we can teach them about so we can rush through this one."

Ryou glomped Yugi. "ThankThankyou THANK YOU!" He cried. "I'll live to see another day!"

"Gah!" Yugi panicked turning blue. "Can't…breathe…AIR!"

"Opps." Ryou murmured releasing his friend. "So sorry old chap!"

*****Who can guess what's in store for my boys?

I'll give you a hint, DT suggested one of them in the last review.

But the other two no one has suggested but one is extremely essential! No wait...they're BOTH ESSENTIAL ITEMS!!

Yami DAU: Yikes. HELP!!! *clings to plushies* She's insane!! My fave appliances! They'll be burned! They'll go to the Shadow Realm! I won't ALLOW IT!! HIKARI!! *summons Blue eyes white dragon*

DAU: Uh oh. I think I'm in trouble! BYE!! *runs like mad* *looks over shoulder* REMEMBER TO REVIEW!! ARGH!* dodges attack* AND TO VISIT MY FUNERAL!!


	12. The stage is set, marik knows something!

Guesswhatguesswhat?

Not only do I have a killer bunny at my disposal but now I have a viper!!! Dt and Mistress of Time…I LOVE YOU!!! Kawaii bunny and cuddly viper! Plus sugar and candy!!!

To Dark and Justin DTs loyal yami and muse…I am so sorry you did not get mentioned…but guess what? 

Ya can't complain cos I just mentioned you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

To yugiohlover: *looks pale and shaky* Are you aware that the explosion our two loving yamis made killed my Mystical elf? 

P.S. Next time our yamis get together it's at your neighbourhood!

Yami DAU: *smiles brightly* So I can see Bethy again?

DAU: Not near me you're not Yami! Go over to yugiohlovers house in the near future!

Yami DAU: Okie dokie hikari! I'm going to go call Bethy-chan now! *leaves room*

DAU: *shudders* What have I become? YL I AM SOOO SORRY! It's just…I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!! *whimpers* my poor elf! She always helped change those revolting things my mother called clothes into real clothes! Now she's gone! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *runs out crying*

DAU: *Gets teary eyed* Duos Bunny gave me cookies and huge Bakura and Malik plushie. Nobody ever gives me cookies. never! *Glomps bunny*

Ok so far I have from reviewers received the godly gifts of:

Loads of yugioh plushies, one killer bunny, one viper, one sack of pixie sticks, 11b sugar, 11b candy. Sack of homemade cookies. And two yummy donuts! ^__^

Thank you all!! Now I give you, hang on a sec. YAMI!! GET OUT HERE NOW!!! *Yami Day comes running out* Good, now you all get…. a sack of pixie sticks, kawaii  and cuddly Koumori dragon each and just for the hell of it….A hug! *glomps reviewers*

Yami DAU: Can I go and phone Bethy now?

DAU: Yes, go away!

Chpt…chpt, what chappie are we up to? Give me a sec it'll come to me!

Yami DAU: *looks up from phone* Chapter 12 hikari!

DAU: Thank you yami!

Chpt 12! Yami vs Treadmill.

"This is a treadmill?' Marik asked looking very disappointed and crestfallen at the sight of the black friendly looking treadmill who sat smiling in the centre of the Moutu's den.

"Yep! What were you expecting?' Malik asked eyebrows raised.

"A weapon of mass destruction, something that could bring Barney back- Anything but this!" He cried, collapsing onto the floor. "Will I never see Barney again?"  
  


"Sure you will! Every morning at 8!" Ryou chirped upon consulting the TV guide. (I dunno what time it's on let's just pretend it is 8)

"But it's not the same!" Marik wailed.

"Uh…anyway," Yugi smiled happily –though his left eye was twitching. "This is a treadmill you can use it for exercise and-"

"ARGHHHHH!!!!" Bakura shrieked in horror.

"Dear Ra! Bakura what's wrong?" Ryou asked  quickly searching for an injury. There wasn't one.

Bakura pointed at Yugi trembling. "W-what he said!"

"What?" Yugi asked confused. "Exercise?"

"Argh!" Bakura flipped over the couch. He emerged pointing a defiant finger at the tri-colored innocent. "He said it again!"

"Tomb robbers afraid of a little exercise?" Yami muttered dubiously.

"You don't even know what it is!" Bakura shot back.

"Do too!" Yami said…unconvincingly too!

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nu-"

"SHUT IT!!!" Ryou shouted. "We don't care! Yami, get on the fricking treadmill!"

"Which yami are you referring to?" Bakura asked in a quiet tone, while pointing at Yami and Marik, he didn't want Ryou to get mad, that usually led to the albino hikari doing an imitation of him. All were glaring at each other.

"Yami Yugi." Ryou sighed rubbing his temples.

Yami huffed and jumped on smirking at the other two darks. "Losers!" He taunted softly while the hikaris talked among themselves. They were halted in a murderous response by the hikaris turning back around and beginning to tell Yami what to do.

"Malik already taught me about these." Marik muttered.

"So?" Bakura scoffed.

"I know how to use this to our advantage." He murmured slyly.

Bakura, whose curiosity woke up at the sly and malicious tone if Marik's tone, straightened up and looked to see if the others were paying attention to them. "I'm listening." He muttered interested.

"Just keep them busy for a moment and watch a master at work." Marik whispered gleefully and disappeared into the shadows of the room.

"Keep them busy? I can do that." Bakura grunted stomping into the kitchen. "Let's see…icemaker….dishwasher….chaos!" He said happily. He began to sing 'the hikaris start yelling one by one hurrah! hurrah!' as he started to cause the distraction needed to make Yami suffer.

***

"So when you press this button I start running? Where to?" yami asked.

"Nowhere. The ground beneath moves and unless you want to be squashed like a bug you will run!" Malik said waspishly.

"Okie dokie Malik!" Yami chirped in imitation of Yugi.

"WHAT THE?! BAKURAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Ryou shrieked stomping into the kitchen were mass amounts of bubbles and water were flowing out.

"I didn't do it!" Bakura cried as he watched Marik, undetected by all, hit some buttons on the treadmill. "I was trying to make you all a drink but there weren't cups and I forgot I started the icemaker and then the dishwasher…" He trailed off in a meaningful way.

"That's sooo sweeet!" Malik gushed glomping the poor boy. "But next time ask one of us to help you!" He squealed picking up a broom and shoving it at Bakura. "Now clean up!" He said sternly and strode back out.

Everyone blinked.

"The various moods of Malik Ishtar." Yami muttered hopping back onto the treadmill. "Well let's give this a whirl!"

Bakura chuckled and leaned on the broom to watch. Let's give it a whirl indeed.

Malik pressed the button and slowly the treadmill hummed to a start. Yami jogged faster as it sped up…

And faster…

And faster…

AND FASTER!!!!!

Exhausted Yami stopped his legs from moving and he went flying across the living room as a result.

Yugi, Malik and Ryou watched in shocked horror as Yami hit the bookshelf, the small boom box subbing for the stereo, a few priceless artifacts, Gramps' video collection, the TV- which Malik dived under to save again- and then bounced off a wall and out the window and crashed landed against the wall of the local Mall.

"Across the living room, through the window, to Domino Mall we go!" Marik sang skipping out the door after Yami towards the multi store complex.

Malik blushed and shrunk into the shadows. "I don't know that idiot."

Inside the kitchen Bakura had shoved a fist into his mouth to prevent the hysterical laughter that he so wanted to release from being released. Once everyone had rushed out to see if Yami needed assistance he lunged forward and locked every door and window before collapsing on the sofa and bursting into uncontrollable laughter pausing only to see if the video camera had recorded this. "Note to self: Make copy and send copy to Japan's Funniest Home Videos!" He gasped before passing out due to excessive lack of oxygen in his lungs.

Half an hour later the hikari's managed to drag Yami and Marik back to the house. Yami, because he was currently unconscious and Marik because he had wanted to go to the Toy Store which had a sale on Barney toys.

"NO!NO!NO!" Marik shrieked. "BARNEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!! BARNEY HELP!!!!" He shrieked desperately.

"Barney won't help you Marik." Ryou said softly.

"B-but..he said he'd always be there!" He whimpered.

"Barney lied." Malik said bluntly looking up from the magazine 'How to control your ancient spirits' long enough to glare at his yami.

Yugi wrenched the magazine out of Malik's hands and whacked him with it. "Show…some…COMPASSION!" He yelled with each whack.

"Yugi?" Yami whispered coming to. "I've had enough treadmill now."

"That's ok Yami. you just rest." Yugi soothed. "What happened to that cockamamie treadmill anyway?"

Ryou and Malik shrugged. Bakura looked up from cleaning the kitchen, feeling glad he had a decent alibi to get out of suspicion of tampering with the stupid thing.

"Bakura?" Yami groaned. "I apologise, you were right: Exercise is hazardous to your health."

Bakura blinked and looked at Ryou. "Did he just say _I was __right?" When Ryou nodded yes Bakura fainted._

"What's next on the schedule Yugi?" Malik asked rubbing his hands.

"Ummmm….the phone?" Yugi suggested. "Then I thought maybe the toaster."

"Phone?" Ryou went stary eyed. "Salvation! They can't hurt us with a phone!"

And the authoress says…

YEA RIGHT!!! ^_~

remember: R&R or I no write!


	13. Phones, ya gotta love em!

First I have to acknowledge everyone one who has reviewed!!!

NB This will most likely take awhile. Gomen to everyone who wanted to get straight into the story. U_U

Jamie Krt

Malik'sgurl

Bookworm85

Lady Lunar Phoenic

;)

Jaid Skywalker

Tatsu the Dragon Lord

Beccamabobbers

ShadowCatLeader

Spiritmind

WildWolf

DragonTamer and her muse and yami –Yes I have MSN, though I have this tendency to change my name every time I go on. -_-;

Elle-FaTe2x1

Hikarimalik

Yugiohlover and her yami–your turn to have our yamis hang out at your place. My house is still being repaired… like the rest of my hometown. ¬¬;   
(yami DAU; Hikari I _swear the town was like that when we got there! DAU: Suuuure yami.)_

Duos-bunnie and her yamis

MallaryValleryKatie and yamis

Ash the Wanderer

Aroura DeNeil

CPegasus –definitely nice knowing another peggy-chan fan! ^_~

Link the traveler

Mistress of time

Cloud 1-3-5 -the truce is still on right?

Puzzle-chan

Game and Watch Forever

Kage-shadow-of-darkness

Yugi-is-little-bro: Sorry pal but I say me (and Cloud) beat you where insanity involved.

DAU: *looks over list* I haven't forgotten anyone have I? Sorry if I did though. I love ya all! *glomps readers*

And now there's more to sit through. Which ppl have given me for writing this fic and what they gave me. *goes starry eyed* I now have the most kawaii-est pets in the world! 

Not in any order

Mistress of Time: 5lb of sugar

                             10lb of candy

                             2 flamethrowers (Very useful! ^_^ Particulary when fighting my yami in the bowels of the shadow realm!)

                             2 leather jackets. (*drools* leather…)

                             2 pet tigers. (*squeals happily* so cute!)

                             Black Light. (I love this!! *Shines light around room and giggles*)

                             1lb of sugar

                            1lb of candy

                            A viper. (Cutest wittle snake in the whole wide world! *hugs snake*)

Kage-Shadow-of-Darkness: Fenic fox. (This is cutest fox I have ever met! *hugs fox*)

Elle-FaTe2x1: Freezy. (Very nice! ^_~ If you don't include brain freeze!)

Duos-Bunnie and yamis: Bishieballs. (All I need are bishies now! ^_^ *hint hint* lol)

                       Bakura shaped cake. (*drools* it's like my birthday all over again!)

                       Best Author Award For Comedy. (I feel so special! *sniff* My first award)                               

           Best Female Award For Comedy (Like a guy could match our skill of writing *polishes pen and sword* Just try it.)

                       Big BIG Bakura, yami and marik plushies (My precious boys! *hugs plushies*)

                       Bag of homemade cookies. (Hmmmm homemade cookies. *eats cookie*)

yugiohlover and her yami Beth: Flat screen TV (How'd ya know my yami juust ruined my old one? Yami? *looks over at sleeping yami DAU. sigh never mind.)

                     Stereo, DVD, VHS (Whoo! I won't be leaving my room anytime soon that's for sure!! No more sisters, no fighting for the remote. FREEDOM!!!)

                     Insane Yami no more spray. (You and Cloud must be my guardian angels or something!)

                     Plushies (*dives into plushies* I love plushies!)

                     Gold Medal

                     pixie stick and plushie given to my yami. (Yami DAU: Thank you! Now can I see Bethy-chan? DAU: NOT HERE!! Yami DAU; *slinks away)

Cloud1-3-5 and his...insanity: Barrel of Gold Stars! (Whheeeeeeeee!! I love these, haven't had any since elementary! *dives into barrel*)

                                             Hikari's Delight Anti-Yami Tobasco Sauce (yup! You and YL are my guardian Angels!)

Link the Traveler: Gave pizza to my BEWD and gave me two donuts. hmmmm donuts *drools like homer simpson*

Shadow Cat leader: Gave me a pizza with whatever I wanted on it! (Now that's tasty! pizza *drools some more*)

Dragon Tamer, her yami and muse Dark and Justin: Sack of Pixie stick. (Are you ppl trying to get me on a permanent sugar high? ^_^ Coolies if you are!)

                                                 Pet killer bunny trained to do my bidding (I shall now begin my plan of World domination MUAHAhAHAHAHA!!!)

                                                 bag of plushies for my yami. (Yami DAU: *sigh* it's nice to know I'm appreciated. Can I have bethy over now? DAU: NO!)

THANK YOU ALL!!! *pets all her new and kawaii pets* *clears throat* Now I think it's only fair that I reward you with an update plus:

Pixie sticks

Coolies leather plushies of yugioh yamis

The cutest little hawks you have ever seen (look after thgem or you'll most likely have your eyes pecked out.)

_And_

onekgofsugar,onecrawlingdragonandtwosilverfangs! *pauses to take breath* Needless to say with that out of our way the fic will begin…

Warning: Extreme corniness ahead!

NOW! Chpt 13. Marik VS Phone. 

(DAU: * snuggles in plushies, clears throat and opens a fairytale book*) Listen children and I will tell, a story where all isn't well. things seem safe but now they're not. My chilling tale shall never be forgot… (eep¬¬; that's sooo corny!)

Once there were three lights with three darks. Now the three darks originally lived in the time better known as Ancienct Eygpt. Yami, a pharaoh, Bakura, a tomb robber and king of bandits, and Marik, well, he was better known as king of psychos whatever era you were in!

Our three lights were all cute freshman at Domino high and bearers of three Millennium items. 

Yugi who lived with his grandpa was a kind and naiive soul, who always had a smile for all. 

Smart, honest and true the second was our little Ryou. (^_^)

Malik while able to be a psycho like his yami was also kind and naive in his own unique way.

Now all three boys had taken it upon themselves to teach the yamis how to use home appliances so that they could be more independent. Little did our heroes know that this would lead to chaos and now we continue our tale of comedy, horror and pointlessness….

Ryou skipped cheerfully into the den where his savior the phone sat, all ready and waiting to be learnt about.

Little did our precious Ryou-chan know but the savior known as phone was as dangerous as everything else he had encountered that fateful day he had agreed to teach the yamis about home appliances.

Malik, following Ryou's lead skipped in cheerfully also, singing themes songs from various animes as he went.

Again he had no idea that the alleged savior was yet another means of chaos.

Our third hero Yugi, grinned like the Cheshire cat and danced in singing to 'Die another Day' (What the-Where did THAT come from? Madonna? YAMI!!!! yami DAU: Oops, bye! *runs out door* Going to see Bethy hikari! DAU; Feh, I'll get her when she comes home!) before he spun around and hopped on top of the desk beside his fellow lights.

Again all three of our heros failed to acknowledge the danger they had walked into.

Now our other three heroic type character, also known as bringers of destruction, chaos and blasting of various innocent things to the Shadow Realm walked up casually in absolutely no hurry to learn as they talked –or rather agrued- about who banished more things and people to the Shadow realm.

Yugi grinned again looking at the phone like he wanted to glomp it smithereens. But to do that would mean nothing teach them about!

And now it begins…

**** End of c-

Yami DAU: That was incredibaly short hikari! I'm disappointed in you!

DAU: But-

Yami DAU: Soooooo…lookie who's here! *Pulls Beth out of nowhere*

DAU: *takes deep breath* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *dives for phone* Must... call… YugiohLover! *Searches for the number* Shit, where's the fricking number and where the HELL is that spray and Tabasco sauce? Must get help! Oh, here it is! *explosion and laughing in kitchen can be heard* HELL! They're in the kitchen! YAMI SEND BETH BACK!! THIS CHAPPIE ISN"T FINISHED!!!!

Yami DAU: Oh…..can she still stay?

DAU: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *throws Tabasco sauce at the yamis

Beth and Yami DAU: @_@

DAU: I...did it. *grins* I DID IT!! Yea! Take that! Who's da bomb?! *punches air above head*

*****Ahem* As I was saying *glares at Yami DAU* End of _corniness!_

"Ohhhh, so that's what it does!" Marik beamed as Malik, Yugi and Ryou thanked very deity they knew for finally getting the information through Marik's head. "I don't get it hikari."

Malik began to hit his head with a book.

Ryou sighed and picked up the phone. "See this? Well you push these specific numbers and…" He dialed Isis's number and held the phone out to Marik.

"Moshi moshi Isis speaking." Came the response.

"ARGH!!!!!!! DEMONS!!!" Marik yelled launching the phone across the room where it hit Yugi right between the eyes. (lol couldn't resist! Too tempting to put that!)

"Marik! You did that on purpose!" Yami roared throwing an accusing finger towards the blonde.

"Also deliberately!" Bakura inputed with a chuckle.

"But! But! THERE WAS A VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD THAT CREPT OUT OF THAT THING!!!"

"MARIK!" The two shouted glowering.

"Here!" Marik thrusted the phone at the two whom with curious looks bent down to listen.

"Hello? Hello? IS this some kind of prank?"

"GAH!" Yami jumped back as if electrified. Bakura eyed it again then smirked. "I knew it! It IS legal to banish people to the shadow realm here! Bye Ryou! Gottalotifpeopletomindcrushbehomefordinner!" He shouted running outside.

"Oh shit. There goes my allowance." Ryou mumbled pulling out a book to finish reading. "Heeheee. This is funny! Three boys who had to teach their dark sides how to use appliances." He paused and shook his head clucking his tongue. "So unrealistic!"

"So this is the way to talk to those in Shadow Realm." Marik had taken to staring at the phone again as Yugi and Malik took to calming the pharaoh down. "Call people. Talk. Hang up. I can do that!" He grinned happily and dialed a number. "Wonder what Shadi's up to?" 

"Hello? Kaiba spealking"

"Hwya Shadi!"

"What? I'm not-"

"We're having loads of fun! Sorry about killing you before! Byebye!" He hang up and dialed another number. "I think I shall talk to Pegasus! He usually goes to the shadow realm to have fun too!"

"Hello?" Tristan answered.

"Heya Pegsy! Whatcha up to? Can I have your Eye?" Marik chirped.

"What? But I'm not-"

"Can you host another tournament, I want a good to kick Tristan's butt, god he's such a jerk!" He groaned.

"Hey! I'm-"

"Well I gotta go! Nice talking to you Pegasus!" He hang up chuckling. "Hey! Malik! You can talk to people in the shadow realm with this! I just talked to Shadi! And I think Pegasus was visiting him cos I talked to Pegasus too!" He beamed happily. "He might host another tournament!"

"That's nice Marik." Malik murmured trying to coax the pharaoh in getting off of the ceiling fan.

"But, but." Marik's face darkened. "Grrrr…he's my hikari! He shouldn't worry over the pharaoh!" He threw the phone at Yami who collapsed on the floor after the heavy blow to his head.

"Yami!" Yugi cried. "Malik! Look at what your yami did!"

"Marik." Malik growled.

"But you were paying more attention to him!" He wailed in defense. "You don't like me anymore! I bet you wish you never met me! I bet you wish _Yami_ was your yami!" He screamed and ran into the bathroom and locked himself in. 

"Marik! It's not like that!' Malik yelled running after him and pounding on the door. "Marik…OPEN THIS DOOR!!"

"NO!!"

"MARIK!! I DON'T LIKE YAMI BETTER THAN YOU!!"

"YES YOU DO YES YOU DO!!" He shrieked back. "You're gonna send me to the Shadow realm and have Yami as your yami!"

"Ooohh! Pretty colours! Hey Yugi! There are four of you!" Yami slurred pointing at Yugi and holding up four fingers. "I don't think I like phones Yugi, too dangerous.

Yugi smiled happily. "Well at least I won't have to worry about high phone bills! Yami, I have to help Malik get Marik out of the bathroom okay?"

Yami's face bunched up. "Wah! You like Marik more than me!"

Yugi slapped his forehead. "Oh for-"

"Marik! I hate you!" Yami screamed and ran into his bedroom locking the door.

"YAMI!" Yugi yelled pounding on the door. "I DO NOT!!"

"SEE? SEE?" Yami yelled back shrilly. "YOU HATE ME!"

"NO I DON'T!"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!"

"COS YOU ARE!!" He roared back.

Ryou blinked as he heard pounding on the doors. "Someone visiting?" He popped his head out of the study and saw the two pounding on the doors to the bathroom and Yamis bedroom. "What's going on?"

"OUR YAMIS LOCKED THEMSELVES IN!" They screamed and went back to pounding.

"Okay okay." Ryou muttered stepping up to the bathroom. "This is where being the hikari of a thief comes in handy!" He took a leather wallet to revealing a lock picking kit. "Bakura gave me this for my birthday!" He beamed.

"TOMB ROBBER, RYOU!"

Ryou smiled. "Oh, look! He's back! BAKURA GET THE PHAROAH OUT OF HIS ROOM!!"

"Why should I?"

"Because, well, he's being a wuss right now!"

"Really? I knew it! Wussy wussy Yugioh!" Bakura sang skipping up the stairs.

"I AM NOT!" Yami threw open the door and lunged at Bakura with the phone and began to brain him with the phone. Isis was still on line one and screaming into the phone.

Malik looked at the pair rolling on the ground. "Maybe teaching them about the phone wasn't a good idea."

"Now that is realistic!" Ryou muttered chucking his book away and grabbing a pillow. "Alright break it up!" He hit them a few times with the pillow before…

"PILLOW FIGHT!!!" Marik shrieked gleefully running out of the bathroom waving a pillow in the air.

Ryou stepped back as the yamis fought.

"Great plan!" Yugi gushed.

"Thanks. You know how yamis are so violent." Ryou replied gesturing to the three who thrown the pillows away and were taking turns at hitting each other with the phone. "Nothing's really safe around them is it?"

"Nope!" Malik chirped.

"OWW!! MARIK YOU BIT ME!!" Bakura roared. "DIE!!" He pulled out a Britney Spears Cd and threw at the said boy who shrieked and wailed in pain.

"I'm dying! I'm dying!"

"Why does Bakura have a BS cd?" Malik asked pale looking. "Why would anyone want something so _vile, so __horrid, so." He broke off shuddering. (A/N: Yes that is my own personal reflection and I am _damn proud_ of it! Flame if ya want but I'll ignore you! ;-P)_

"It makes great threats and blackmail." Ryou replied grinning. "Plus he loves blasting them to pieces."

"Ahhhh." Malik murmured in understanding.

"COMPUTER TIME!" Yugi shrieked happily. "So bags not teaching them!"

"Bags not!" Malik shouted grinning.

"Awwww!" Ryou pouted. "That means I have to!" He buried his face in his hands. "I'm dead!"

"Fear not old chap! We shall attend your funeral and grieve and say many a good word about you! Talley ho!" Malik said in a British accent pretending to gallop downstairs.

"How degrading." Ryou muttered. "What on earth was he supposed to be with that voice?"

****

Next chappie: Bakura VS Computer

And the last chapter: ____VS Toaster, ending credits.

You must guess who it is.  33%chance of being right. Guess right and I'll give you chocolate Bakura, Yami and Marik and caramel Yugi, Ryou and Malik! ^-^ (If I don't eat them first! lol, betcha can't guess!)


	14. Bakura vs Computer

Yami DAU: *pulls out mace and grins*

DAU: She's in one of her moods. *sighs* it's the chat room all over again. But not quite! *Smiles innocently and pulls out BIG cannon* Heh heh. FORE! *fires cannon ball* Hikaris 4-EVA! *victory sign*

Yami DAU: @_@ *returns to soul room and collapses*

DAU; that reminds me, I forgot to tell her her new name! It's Reonet coolies ay? ^_^

*turns back and scowls, snarls, snorts and growls at emails* You weren't _supposed_ to guess _right_! That was the whole point of choosing who I did!

Chpt 14: Bakura VS Computer!

Ryou stood nervously beside his pride and joy, the light in his life, the holy grail of teenagers everywhere…his computer! 

Bakura, Yami and Marik were doing Rock, Paper, scissors to determine who would take the computer for a test drive. (Cretins! You leave that computer alone!)

"I win! I win!" Bakura crowed.

Ryou's left eye developed a sudden twitch as he went pale. 

Fixing a smile on his and searching quickly and desperately for Yugi and Malik –who he couldn't find- he resigned himself to his fate.

Bakura turned around grinning. "Come on little hikari, let's see what this thing can do!"

"That 'thing' is my computer Bakura, my brand new top of the line computer which if you destroy will have something to worry about!" Ryou hissed through gritted teeth.

Yami looked around the room. "Odd, the winds picked up only the windows are closed." (*blinks* it can't just be a coincidence that wind is in the word windows can it? Reonet: Ladies and germs my hikari the brainiac)

"Who can't use a computer to play games or write stuff you lot?"

To everyone's surpise (including mine!) none gave an indication of not knowing.

"Oookk, now who can't use the internet?" '_Please be silent. Teaching hazardous to health!'_

"Me! Me!" All three waved their hands about eagerly.

Ryou sweatdropped as he smiled, albeit fakely. '_Damn. Stuck teaching them anyway!'_

Marik braved raising an inquisitive hand.

"Marik?" Ryou sighed rubbing his temples and preparing for the worst.

"Is this 'internet' thingy the same thing as cyber space?" He asked innocently.

"How did you know that?" Ryou blinked. Marik? _Knew_ something? Must faint!

"Malik!" He chirped.

"Really?" Throwing the blonde yami a suspicious look, he hurried out to find the said boy.

Marik's demeanor changed instantly. "Heh heh, rule number one of internet use ladies and boys never, and I mean NEVER leave the kawaii Marik alone with a computer capable of internet!" He chuckled, hand inching towards the keyboard…

"Aoowooooooooo!" Marik jumped back clutching his pain ridden hand as Bakura hand whacked it with a speaker. (Very painful.)

"Mine!" He growled. "You had your fun with the phone!"

"But Bakuraaaa…"

"No!" He barked. He glowered a final glare and turned around to stare blankly at the computer's unfamiliar homepage. "Uhhhhh…"

"You're on the homepage. Click here." Marik sighed taking pity on him, motioned to search. "And type whatever you want to look up."

Bakura typed "pharaoh's dying' and without delay clicked on the first site he saw listed. "Hee hee, this should b- WHAT THE? EWWWW EWW EWW EWW!!!!"

"Hmmm?" Marik and Yami curiously albeit idiotically peeked over his shoulder and looked at the supposedly repulsive image. "YUCK!! RA BAKURA, TURN IT OFF!!"

"how?" Bakura cried, eyes clamped shut.

"Click the back button!" Marik replied desperately, his eyes also shut.

"Where is it?" He shouted.

"Open your bloody eyes and you'll see it!"

"No! _You_ open _your eyes!" But sadly for Bakura….he opened his poor cutie brown eyes and he saw…_

(Shudder) Naked dancing Tristan. (DAU: reonet's idea, *faints* Reoent: Opps, I didn't realize she didn't like him.)

"ARGH! MY EYES! BLINDED!!" Bakura bravely drew his mouse and slayed the wicked beast with a simple click! (Sigh, He's so brave!)

Yami was hyperventilating. "Scary…must….kill….Tristan! Need to…erase...image!"

Marik was freaking out and shrieking like a girl. "I thought that they had some parental lock thingy on this?"

"Obviously not." Bakura drawled returning to the computer after polishing his mouse. Then he noticed something…

A little pop up box asking if he wanted to update Ryou's website.

"Oh this is good!" He muttered gleefully. He frantically clicked yes and searched through fiels on the computer. "No, no, YES! NO, HELL YES! No way in fucking hell! Ooohh! YES!" He cackled gleefully as Yami and Marik argued about the parental lock 'thingy'

Bakura watched this pointless argument for a moment then decided to learn more about the wondrous internet. He decided to find out what Chat had to offer.

"Nickname?" He muttered. "Feh, King of Bandits!" He typed in grinning. "Ooh! Someone's on!"

X.KeyBoy: Tomb robber? What are you doing?

King of Bandits: What the hell? Shadi? You're still alive? How?

X.KeyBoy: Millennium key! ^_^

King of Bandits: ¬¬; I'll not comment on that! Ooh Wanna see some erm 'cool' (I mean embarrassing) pics of the Pharaoh no Baka?

X.KeyBoy: I s'ppose, nothing better to do here in the Shadow realm.

King of Bandits: Ookkk here we go!

King of Bandits would like to send you the file "Pharaoh's B-day.gif" (59 Kb). Transfer time is less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem. Do you want to Accept (Alt+T) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?

  Transfer of file "Pharaoh's B-day.gif" from King of Bandits has been accepted. Starting transfer...

We could not send this file because the connection is blocked. Please contact your network administrator or Internet service provider; they may be able to enable file transfers.

X.KeyBoy: Oh dear, it seems we have a slight problem.

Bakura blinked at the computer and then growled in outrage as his left eye began to twitch. He tried again. TWICE! With the same results. He began to resort to cursing at the thing. "You are to defy the greatest tomb robber of all Egypt? I'LL KILL YOU!!!" He let out more curses and lunged forward (This is a personal experience, Cloud can verify it if you doubt me. Reonet: *nods* oh yea, I had to stop her from blasting the computer!)

Marik and Yami had been hiding their laughter at Bakura's umm tasteful words soon lost their smiles and smug smirks for identical looks of horror.

"BAKURA NO!!"

"TOMB ROBBER DON'T!!"

The two latched onto the albino's arms and dragged him away from the computer as he fought with tooth and claw to get at the modern day rip-off con artist!

In the middle of all this Shadi had left the chat room due to monster problems in his area.

Marik lost his grip and was sent flying across the room and into a small cupboard with a sound 'ouch!'

Now Bakura only had the pharaoh to get off him as he dragged himself and Yami towards the computer, his eyes blood red with the thought of murder running around gleefully in his mind. 

"BAKURA!!" Ryou shrieked as he came storming in. "STOP TRYING TO KILL MY GODLY COMPUTER!!!" It was apparently obvious that Ryou had heard his thoughts of murder through their link.

"But it won't let me send a file to X.KeyBoy!!" He howled still trying to get at it.

"Let me see what I can do." Ryou offered pushing the two aside and sitting down. Bakura jumped back up and with his hands on Ryou's shoulder's watched Ryou type and try something. Ryou frowned. "Sorry Kura, but your friend isn't on anymore."

"WHAT?! OF ALL THE INCONSIDERATE THINGS…." Bakura went into a tirade of rants and curses best left ringing in the ears of the three present in the room and not ours.

Ryou was now checking his emails. "New pictures?" He muttered at an email praising him about new pictures. "I never put any new pictures on my site today!"  He paled radically and called Malik and Yugi in as he found the pictures. Yugi and Malik came running in as Ryou waved them over to the computer with a red face. The two paled and blushed as they saw the images. 

All was silent in Domino City for a split second before…

"MARIK!!" 

"YAMI!!"

"BAKURA!!!!!"

"Oops." Bakura smirked. "Guess they didn't want those made public."

"You-you-you" Ryou couldn't get the words out. 

"WHERE DID YOU FIND THOSE?!" Malik screamed thwacking Marik over the head with his trusty hardcover cookbook.

"Yami! HWO COULD YOU??!" Yugi shouted at the cowering Yami.

"I didn't!" Marik and Yami shouted in defense.

"BAKURA!!" All three howled and gave chase.

Marik and Yami decided to see what they had gotten in trouble for.

Six pictures of the three dressed in leather dancing all around the living room like a trio of drunkards (Bet they were!) stood grinning out at them from the screen.

The two looked at each other. "He's dead." They said together calmly.

Then they noticed two new pictures…

Of them drunk and pole dancing around a telephone pole.

"BAKURA YOU'RE DEAD!!" They both roared and lunged up the stairs to where the albino was currently fending off three rabid hikari boys.

"ONE AT A RA FORSAKEN TIME!!" He shouted. "Look I'll take them down again! Oww! Ryou! No BITING!" He let out a small gasp of pain as Yugi jumped forward. "YUGI! WHER DI DYOU LEARN TO KICK??!!"

And that concludes Bakura's fun filled yet painful round with the computer.

***Now's a good a time as any to unveil my four day old secret! I'm hoping to make two sequels to this. The first (hopefully!) will be called What Started As A Day Out. I think you can guess what it's about and the second is: Why I'd Never Let Yamis Drive my Car. These should be released, ummmmm….*looks at calendar* not a bloody clue when!

And finally…Smarty and Mistress Of Time *hands over chocolate Yami, Bakura and Marik and caramel Yugi, Ryou and Malik* You guessed right! *throws confetti in the air* *looks upset and scowls* but how did you figure it out? No one was s'posed to know! *sniff* I thought I was being real smart by doing that and now, well, my self esteem is at an all time low. Grrrrr… I wanted to keep those too! *snarls and goes outside*

Reonet: *talking to herself* so I'm not Yami DAU I'm Reonet now? Ok I can live with it, it's my real name anway. *looks up* Hikari? *loud explosion can be heard* MY RA!! HIKARI!! IT'S MY JOB TO MAKE THINGS GO BOOM!

DAU: WELL IT'S MINE NOW!!!! *blows up old ladies evil red eyed poodle* R&R or else I'll blow YOU up!

Reonet: Threatening your readers is not a good thing hikari

DAU: Oh go blow up a bridge yami.


	15. AWESOME NEWS PEOPLE!

Sorry it took so long to get this out but I really wanted to make it as good as possible! 

*looks guilty* Oh alright! I was on the net all the time checking out Bakura pictures! But blame Cloud and Hyfen! *glares* they painted all over my kawaii Bakura picture! *sniffle*

reonet: *sighs and looks up from TV* What wrong now hikari?

DAU: *wipes eyes* Nothing!

Reonet: Don't you lie to me! You're crying!

DAU: No I'm not! I just have something in my eye! *face brunches up* The stories finished!

Reonet: Oh yea this is the last chappie!

DAU: *bursts in tears* Thanks to all who reviewed, see at ffnet soon I hope! *runs off crying*

reonet: Oh for- she didn't even say anything of importance! *looks at Cloud* Well, Cloud since you were so nice and gave her Bakura pictures, we decided (Yes we actually agreed on something!) that this chapter would be dedicated to you. *smirks* and DAU's other fave friends at ffnet. YugiohLover, Cpegasus, Dragon Tamer and Silver Dragon! *rolls eyes* why she gets so attached to you idiots is beyond me!

P.S Hyfen I don't appreciate being treated like a Frisbee! *glares* let's attach _you to a rock and throw _you_ to Antarctica!_

P.P.S Smartyl, my hikari really likes you now cos you let her keep her gifts. Since I got some of it I'm giving you a mace! *claps hands* It's just like mine! ^_^

Chpt 15: Final Shebang!

The hikari's trudged back into the kitchen, the ghastly kitchen where it all began. The kitchen that, surprisingly, was in one pieces beaming at them.

"I hate this. Can I please go?" Ryou begged. "You know how dangerous toasters are right?"

"It's a toaster Ryou!" Yugi gushed hugging it. "It's the God of Breakfast!"

"It's about to be history." Malik muttered watching the gleeful yamis run about the kitchen; evidently they thought it funny to play 'Keep Puzzle from Yami'. I should rephrase that. Gleeful _Marik_ and _Bakura __thought it was funny!_

The phone rang just then.

The yamis paused and looked at it.

Need I say more?

"MIND CRUSH!!"

"YAMI!" Yugi screamed.

"Ok, so now we'll never have to worry about phone bills." Ryou blinked then scowled. "Great! Now there's no hope of someone calling me away!"

As Yugi continued to pummel Yami with lectures of not mind crushing the gods of his universe, the doorbell rang.

Ryou and Malik looked at each other. They knew what was running through each other's mind: the exact same thing as in theirs.

"I'LL GET IT!" They screamed and instantly began fighting be the first to answer it. Ryou won. Surprisingly! (Sigh, Ryou kawaii!)

"Telegram for Mister Ryou." The lady chirped. 

Malik began to whack his head on the wall. "It's never ever for me!" He sobbed. "It's always for him!"

Ryou took it with trembling hands. It could be Salvation! It could be Death or it could be….yes! It was!

A telegram from his father saying he was home!

Ryou's eyes turned into saucers. He had a way out! Salvation! (*sheepish grin* sorry, I have a thing about that word!) "Sorry guys! Dad's come home and he wants to see me!" He sang skipping out. "Bakura, behave yourself!" He slammed the door and ran down the street.

Yugi and Malik blinked.

"Did he just abandon us?" Yugi whimpered.

"H-hai…" Malik blinked again then scowled and ran to the door. "RYOU! GET YOUR BRITISH BUTT BACK HERE!!!"

Yami who was watching a butterfly…again and definitely not listening let out a girlish shriek and fell backwards at the loud yell from Malik Ishtar.

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME YOU IDIOT!"

Yugi sweatdropped as Bakura shoved Yami off roughly and sent him flying into the wall. "So much for behaving."

*** *cheesy computer voice* one hundred punches later

Malik rolled his eyes as he watched Yugi and Marik patch up the bruised yamis.

"I should use the iodine for this!" Yugi growled.

Yami's eyes widened in horror and he jumped up. "No! NO! NOT THE IODINE!!" he screamed one hand in front to fend off Yugi. "I'LL BE GOOD!" He sat back down and looked around him with an innocent look of happiness! (my foot!)

Yugi looked…disturbed to say the least. Innocence, we all believe, was his strongest suit.

**** (reonet: HIKARI! Get on with the _planned_ stuff! DAU: So sue me for wanting it to _last_! *pouts then sniffles* insensitive yami. Reonet: *praying* dear ra don't let her cry again! Mine ears can only handle so much of that irritating sound!) **** 

Yugi's cell phone began to ring. The dark's eyes twitched murderously. Grinning sheepishly Yugi ran upstairs and took the call locked in the bathroom with the puzzle resting outside on a shelf. "Hello?"

* 

The three angry, homicidal, murderous, aggressive darks and one agitated and frightened light stood outside the bathroom, Yami pounding on the door while Malik tried to keep Bakura and Marik from summoning monsters to blow the door to smithereens.

The door slowly creaked open… (Reonet: *snorts* oh the drama! Oh my poor heart can not take the strain! DAU: *blasts Reonet* friggin sarcastic yamis!)

Yugi stepped out grinning.

Malik's mouth dropped open. He knew what that grin symbolized.

"TRAITOR!!"

"Now Malik-"

"Y-you too Yugi? What happened to friends till the end?!"

"That's T'ea you dork!" Bakura snorted.

"Actually it's Yami! I just get paid to rant on!" T'ea shouted from the window pumping a fist.

Everyone looked at Yami who blushed. "I can't help it! Daddy brained that friendship stuff into my head! He said it was important to have good friends!"

"Ok." Malik muttered stepping away from the pharaoh.

"Well I gots to go! Grandpa wants me to do a _demo_ for some _bratty kids! I'm so __sorry Malik!" Yugi grinned innocently._

'Like hell!' Malik thought through watery eyes. First Ryou now even Yugi! What? Was everyone hell bent on killing him for?

"TOASTER!" Marik roared.

"TOASTING PARTY!!" Bakura yelled laughing.

"CREMATORY!!" Yami shouted laughing.

"BURN BABY BURN!!" All three screamed skipping merrily off to the kitchen singing their lovely song!

Needless to say….

Malik was scared.

He was very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, ice a leery scared!

*** 

"Toaster, boys, this is our god of Breakfast! So…NO MINDCRUSHING IT!" Malik yelled , very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, ice a leery loud! (Reonet: ¬¬; hikari, you need a life! DAU: Not I yami! *smiles sweetly* I need more computer time! Reonet: Anubis take me now!)

"GAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Their ears hurt very, very (Reoent: don't think about using 'ice a leery' again! DAU; fine I wont! *pouts*) badly!

"Now to make toast you put the toast in here and- what now Marik?!" Malik hissed through gritted teeth.

"I thought it was bread one put in there not toast!" Marik chirped apparently Malik's death glare did nothing to intimidate him, let alone terrify him. Yami and Bakura were adorning nervous grins.

"Fine!" He hissed. "It's bread or _toast bread! The inside heats up and cooks the _bread_ and we get __toast! Any questions?"_

"Where's Yugi?!" Yami whined.

"Where did Ryou ran off to?!" Bakura added.

Malik's eye twitched as he banged his head on the toaster screaming about traitors and 'being a great friend to people who ditch him at first opportunity!'

Unfortunately he failed to notice one teensy little detail.

The three yamis running around the room gleefully.

Umm. Better make that one huge detail he ignored!

Marik pumped a chicken full of air via a bike pump and placed in the oven and set it cooking. (^_~ You'll see why later! lol)

Yami grabbed a rat and trapped it in the metal tin full of Malik's supply of pixie sticks. (We all know what's gonna happen here folks, if not….I've overestimated your intelligence and underestimated your idiocy. *walks off laughing*)

Bakura, unbeknownst to Marik, had a Barney toy and shoved it into the microwave and set it going! (Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!)

All three hurried back to their seats and sat down, hair flipped back neatly, hands clasped in front of them on the table, faces free of dirt or evil smirks, grins or leers with little golden halos on top their heads!

"Let's see you use the toaster boys!" Malik sighed rubbing his head. "Yami, would you like to go first?"

"I golly sure would sensei!" he chirped skipping up to the bench. Grinning, he popped a slice of bread into the toaster and merrily pushed the lever down.

** 

"Is it done yet?" Yami whined. Bakura had fallen asleep while Marik buffed his nails and twirled the M. rod around in a bored manner.

"It's only been fifteen seconds Yami!" Malik said in a very controlled voice.

'Bing!'

"yay! Toast, toast, toast, toasty toast!" Yami cheered skipping around the bench and reaching for the toast…..

Only to find it was jammed in the toaster.

"Ah! No matter I'll get it out!" Yami grinned grabbing a fork and shoving it down the toaster in order to free the toast.

"Um, Yami I wouldn't-" Malik began as the sparks flew.

"GAH! H-HELP!!"

"BAUAHAHAHAHAHA!! MIGHTY PHAROAH FALLS TO PITIFUL TOASTER!!" Bakura had awoken and now roared with laughter falling off his stool.

"Oooh! Pretty colours!" Marik giggled as Yami's hair shot up even more than normal and several shades of red, orange and purple sparks shot from the toaster. "I want one!"

"HELL NO MARIK!!" Malik yelled grabbing a broom and swiping the plug out of the plughole. "Yami, can ya hear me? Say something you baka!"

"Ruin our fun!" Bakura pouted.

Yami sat up twitching. "Malik?" He asked weakly.

"Hai?"

"That, that was soooooooo….COOL! CAN I GO AGAIN?!" Yami jumped up grinning excitedly.

Malik face faulted. "WHAT?"

Marik sniggered as Yami bounced excitedly around Malik saying 'please, please pretty please!" over and over.

**Meanwhile outside…..

"The shouting stopped!"

"Shall we risk returning?"

Yugi and Ryou looked at each other. "Nah!" Grabbing an iced tea each they strode onto the deck of Joey's backyard and say on the deckchairs as they watched their friends jumping around the bomb fire chanting….Ra, it was so nice to be around normal folks for a change! (^_^;)

*** 

"NO! NO MORE SHOCKS!!" Malik screamed waving the millennium rod around.

"Watch where you throw that thing you moron!" Bakura yelped ducking just in time. A guy could get killed making his toasty breakfast!

"I AM NOT A MORON!!" He screamed picking up a plate and throwing it at Bakura.

"I think I should get Yugi! Yea, Yugi good! Yugi no hurt us!" Yami muttered frightened running out the front door.

*** 

Yugi and Ryou lay on the deck getting a well deserved tan when…. (*Glares* what the hell do you think happens you bakas? Reonet: -_-;; come the end of a story and she gets aggressive, repulsive and abusive! *looks around fearfully and whispers to readers* And those are her good points!)

"YUGI!" Yami cheered gleefully hugging the boy in a death grip.

Ryou blinked and sat up removing his shades so he could see. "Yami? What are you doing?"

"Malik scary, trying to kill us! I WANT MY HIKARI!!" He screamed frightened, clinging to Yugi like a child would his mother.

Ryou blinked. "o.k." He sighed and looked at the blue Yugi. "I guess we should go back Yugi. At least we got a tan before we died!"

Yugi nodded prying Yami off of him. "I guess so." He sounded disappointed. "But we never got to go to a night club, get pissed off our faces and wake up in a ditch!"

"We'll do that in paradise hikari!" Yami chirped dragging him towards the house.

Ryou followed muttering. "Paradise, what a foreign word."

**** 

"SHUT UP THIEF!!" Malik shrieked. "I AM NOT A MORON!!"

"THAT WAS TEN MINUTES AGO IDIOT!!"

"I'M NOT AN IDIOT EITHER!!" Malik shouted grabbing a heavy frying pan.

"MALIK!" Ryou cried shocked. "What in Ra's name has gotten into you?"

Malik dropped the frying pan sniffling. "It's not my fault!" He squeaked in a weak voice. "You two left me all by myself with these guys and they were being mean and picking on me!" He finished in a whine with watery eyes.

"Sorry hikari." Marik muttered.

"Yea, sorry." The other two mumbled.

"I should bloody well think so Bakura!" Ryou snapped. "I told you to behave! Am I talking to a brick wall or something?"

"Language hikari!"

"Screw your bloody language!"

Malik jumped forward and grabbed Ryou by his shoulders and quickly led him out with hugely false grin. "Ok Ryou! That's enough of the lovely British language!"

"But what about the toaster?!" Yami whined. "I wanna elecytroute myself again!" (Yes elecytroute is supposed to be that way,)

"What?!" Yugi gasped. "Oh Yami! Are you hurt?!"

"Nope!" He chirped. "Can I go again!?"

Yugi fell over. "What?"

"Don't ask!' Malik groaned. (DAU: *opens mouth to speak* Reonet: no hikari! DAU: But- Reoent: I said NO! DAU: But yamiiii! Reonet: N. O. NO!)

"I WANNA LEARN ABOUT TOAST!!" Yami and Marik yelled.

"Alright! ALIRIGHT!!" Yugi managed to be heard over the screams of 'toast'.

**** DAU: Guessses what?

reonet: Hikari! I told you NO! NO! NO!

DAU:; I don't care! Go away! *uses anti yami spray*

reonet: *shrieks and runs away*

DAU: *clears throat* ^_______^ I've decided to make this TWO chapters! This one's getting too long! Go me! *claps hands happily and hugs Bakura plushie* YL do you mind having reonet over while I finish the next installment? I've a better chance of living if she isn't here!

Go on! You know ya wanna! *sly grin*

And you all know you wanna review so you can get the next chappie!

Reonet: THAT'S BLACKMAIL!! *thinks* I taught you so well! *glomps*

DAU: Help? need…AIR!


	16. BYE BYE!

Note: I had plenty a good reason in taking so long to update. Here's my reasons.

1: research project for social science Worth: a hell a lot of marks.

2. research for home ec also worth lots.

3. research for English. *eye twitches* too many research assignments!

4. formal essay for English!

5. Way too many maths exercises at once!

6. I had no spare time. Heck! I only managed by a fraction to get onto MSN for a break!

7. SCHOOL IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!! IT'S TRUE! THE BOARD OF EDUCATION IS TRYING TO KILL US ALL!!! *runs off screaming*

OH MY RA!! I LEFT YL ALONE WIH REONET AND BETHY! FOR OVER A WEEK! *runs across Reonet's mine ridden plain* Ra damnti! Now is not the time for her to develop a love for mines! I hope Yl's ok!

*crawls into room exhausted* Must….update! YL…needs to get away…from Reonet! *hits special update button and collapses* @_@

Chpt Sixteen: Ok seriously! This is the FINAL shebang! *evil laughter* Then onwards to sequels! *more evil laughing*

"Bakura, let's see you try." Ryou coaxed handing the albino a piece of bread. Malik had refused to teach the 'demonic duo plus baka pharaoh a moment longer!'

"Okie dokie!" Bakura slid the toast carefully into the slit and rammed the lever down.

Ryou jotted some notes down on his clipboard. "Graceful start, rude ending." he muttered. "50% chance of sarcasm in voice, ten points off."

"Whatcha doing?" Malik asked.

Ryou looked up at him. "Well, I don't know to be truthful; I just felt the strangest need to test people. Besides, the clipboard makes me look smart!" ^_^

"Right." Malik muttered walking back over to Yugi. "I think Ryou's lost his hold on reality."

"At least he lasted this long, you lost yours, eons ago." Yugi giggled running off before Malik could retort…or attack.

"Why me? Why do they always pick on me?" Malik whined.

"Malik! Hurry! Toast is coming! Toast is coming!" Marik said giddily.

"And how, dare I ask, do you know that?" Bakura raised an eyebrow.

"Millennium necklace." Marik giggled holding up the said item.

"When did you nick that?" Malik asked.

"No nick, Isis give!" Marik replied putting on his 'best' innocent kid look and hugging the necklace.

"That's just wrong." Yami gagged.

"What? Isis giving it to him?" Ryou asked.

"No, that sick look on his face!"

Bakura sniggered then skipped over to the toaster as the toast popped up…up….up

…And away out yonder window and into the next door German Shepard's mouth!

Bakura's little cute brown eyes (Hee hee with reonet gone I can get away with idolizing my Bakura!) narrowed as the left eye began to twitch. "FOUL MONGREL!! YOU DARE TO STEAL MY TOAST!! ME!! KING OF BANDITS AND GREATEST TOMB ROBBER TO WALK THE PLANET!!" He jumped out the window and gave chase. Now I could list the various curses he threw at the poor, poor thing but it'll kinda (*cough* a lot!*cough*) take way too long! -_-;

"I think we'll need to get the neighbor a new dog."

"Try a puppy, it'll win them over and they won't get mad!" Marik gushed eyes bright with happiness.

"Again, I repeat, that's just wrong!" Yami muttered.

"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF DOGGY!?!" Yugi screamed.

"Shrimp, I've a headache the size of a blue eyes white dragon…SHUT UP!" Marik screamed.

"No screaming in doors!" Ryou scolded raising a frying pan. (*sigh* I just love that thing! *huggles frying pan and Ryou*)

"I'm good." Marik squeaked sitting down.

Yugi sat down looking forlornly at the running yelping obviously terrified dog. "Yamiiiiiiii!" He whined putting his puppy eyes to work. Hee hee! No one can SURVIVE IT!! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE I TELL YOU!! *evil laughter*

"Bakura! Get back indoors!" Ryou shouted out the window. 

Bakura shouted marching in holding his rifle. "Yes Sir Captian Ryou! No Sir! I will not stop trying to kill the dog SIRS!" he added at the look on everyone's faces. (Giggles! couldn't resist!)

Everyone stared at him strangely.

"What?" He asked. "You were being so controlling!"

"You were going to kill a dog!" Yugi pouted.

"Meh, no big loss!" He shrugged. (*blinks* well if that was Kura-chan sez… it has to be right! ^_^)

**** 

"Let's try this again!" Yugi sighed. Ryou had joined the "I am soooooo not teaching these bakas about the toaster' union which left poor Yugi to pick up the slack!

This time t'was Marik that stepped forward with a bold and cocky grin on his face.

Like his friends he grinned and gently slipped the bread into the toaster, and like Bakura, pretty much rammed the lever down with a mallet! -_-;

"Toaster!" Yugi gasped. "Marik! You DO NOT HIT THE ALLPOWERFUL TOASTER!!!"

"Owie!" He whined rubbing his ears.

"Why do all these Ra damned appliances be all powerful?" Bakura muttered.

"We don't want to know." Yami said in a half whisper, raising his hands and walking away.

"Wierdo." Bakura mumbled. "Why do I bother with these idiots?" (*nods* good question!)

"ARGH!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Marik screamed in horror, eyes wide and face pale, he cowered behind Malik in terror. Bakura fell of the bench in fright.

"What?" Ryou cried. "What is wrong?!"

"It's, it's ruined!" Marik shouted pointing at the black piece of toast. "MY BREAKFAST IS DESTROYED!!!"

Everyone fell over anime style. (*giggles* dramatics' are so much fun!)

"You had me worried for a second there." Malik muttered getting back up. "I thought it was important!"

"It is important Malik! Don't be so cold!" Yugi gasped running up to the toaster. "Maybe the setting's too high!" After moving it to a lower setting he gestured for Yami to try.

"Why?" Whined he, "It's Marik who wants the toast!"

"Please Yami?" Puppy eyes, a yami's worst nightmare.

"Feh, fine." He muttered looking away. He stepped up and unlike his spirit cronies, chucked the bread in ungracefully and pressed the lever down in a dull, boring manner.

"No originality at all!" Malik muttered writing on Ryou's clipboard clucking his tongue. "He won't pass if he keeps this up!"

"Hey! That's my clipboard!"

"Tough!"

"Bakuraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

Bakura's eyes twitched. "STOP HIS WHINING!" He shouted whacking Malik with a pan. "I HATE WHINING!!"

"Owie! Owie! OWIE BAKURA!!" Malik yelled handing the clipboard back to Ryou. "OUCH STOP IT!!"

"Clipboard! Mine!" Ryou said hugging it to him closely.

Yami's eye twitched. "It didn't, it didn't, all things holy it didn't!"

"Didn't what?" Everyone chorused.

"IT BURNT THE TOAST AGAIN!!!" Howled he, a twisted and bitter look upon his face as he pointed at the deviant toaster.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Bakura said flatly. "Pharoah no Baka can't cook toast?"

"At least mine doesn't go flying!"

"Well at least the dog would eat mine!"

"Only because you rammed it down his throat!"

"I did not!"

"Did to!"

"Did to!" Bakura smirked. Gotcha….

"DID NOT!" Yami shouted.

"See? I didn't! Said so yourself!" Bakura laughed.

"What? No! YOU TRICKED ME!!"

"Well you say I'm a thief! Do you honestly trust thieves?"

"YES!"

"Twat!" Scoffed Bakura.

"Git!" Marik tittered.

"MEANIES!" Yami wailed. The two fell over laughing.

"We are trying to teach you ungrateful spirits about the toaster!" Malik hissed raising the rod.

"Uh-oh." mumbled Bakura.

"RUN!" Shrieked Marik. "He'll grind my bones to make his bread!" He screamed a brave war cry, (NOT!) and made a non cowardly escape. (I repeat, NOT! Marik: It was a brave escape! *glares* DAU: get back in my story! *death glares* heh heh I beat you!)

"I thought Giants did that?"

"Well I s'pose compared to Yugi he is a giant!" Yami observed.

Yugi pouted. "Just for that…NO MORE PIXIE STICKS!!"

"You wouldn't!" Yami gasped in horror. Yugi smirked evilly. "Ra you would! I'll beat you!" he made a run for the cupboard.

Malik beat him. "My pixie sticks, mine!" He reached in and grabbed the rainbow colors container full of the luscious sugary gods.

"But-"

"You are not having any Yami!" Yugi erm, tried to glare threateningly.

Malik screamed.

"WHAT?!"

He threw the container to the floor and took off screaming. "THERE'S A RAT IN THERE!!!!!"

Ryou looked accusingly at Bakura.

"Not I hikari." Bakura replied innocently. "T'was Yami who threw the wicked beast in there!" 

Yugi raised an eyebrow. "Yami?"

"THOU LIEST!" Yami screamed. (*raises eyebrow* where the hey did this come from? Hyfen maybe you _are bad influence.)_

"Bakura!" Ryou glared.

"I AM NOT LYING THIS TIME!!!" Bakura sniffled uncharacteristically. "Yami wants me to get in trouble! He's a meanie!"

"Let's make toast!" Marik chirped leading the albino over to the toaster. "Go on, make nice Marik some nice unburnt toast that the pharaoh couldn't do!"

"Sniff, fine." He walked up to the toaster muttering. "It's a dark day when your own hikari won't believe you!"

He made toast again. (*blinks* boring sentence, gotta be the most boring sentence in my entire fic!)

And it burnt again.

So Marik tried, again.

Burnt again.

Yami….

Burnt…

Eye twitching….

"MIND CRUSH!"

No more toaster! ^_^

"TOASTER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Malik howled and fainted promptly on the bench.

Ryou's little kawaii innocent (Erm yea you get the pic) eyes widened as he whimpered. "Toaster, gone?" He sniffled and allowed a tear to fall. "He's gone! OH THY WORLD IS A CRUEL PLACE!!!" He ran out of the kitchen.

Yugi, however, sweet, adorable, naïve, innocent, lovable Yugi, had seen red, blood red…

_Yami_ _blood red to be more specific._

"Do you think…" Marik began.

"We've finished here?" Bakura guessed.

"Time to say our fare thee wells."

"And met again in a sequel!" Bakura smirked.

"And avoid young Yugi's powerful frying pan attack!" Marik declared.

"So adieu, farewell and adieu." Bakura bowed.

The two ran out laughing. "Toodles Yami!"

Yugi growled and slowly advanced. "Yami."

"Yugi behind you."

"I'm not gonna fall for that."

"No really, behind you!" Yami pointed frantically.

"I said I wont-"

Ka-boom. BYE BYE BARNEY!!!

"WHAT THE HFIL?!" (*sweatdrops* wrong anime.)

"Barney was in there." Yami stated.

"WHAT?!" Marik screamed running in. "YOU KILLED BARNEY YOU MEANIES!!"

"YEA AND IT WAS SWEE-EET!" Bakura laughed returning also.

"YOU, YOU ARGH! THERE AREN'T TO DESCRIBE HOW FOWL YOU ARE!!"

"Sure there are! Look them up!" Ryou piped up throwing a dictionary at the boy.

"ARGH! KEEP THAT FOUL THING AWAY! BEAST BEGONE!!

"Do you mean the book or Ryou who makes the best brownies in the world?" Bakura growled. He loves brownies! ^_^

"Currently not commenting." Replied the blonde.

"Why you-" What happened next would change the end of the fic…

*squawk*

Yugi paled. "What was that?"

*squawk! squawk!*

"It, it sounds like it's coming from…" Ryou trailed off pale.

"THE OVEN!" Yugi shrieked.

Looking in the two found a dead chicken.

*squawk*

"ARGH! IT'S ALIVE! ALIVE!!!" Ryou screamed high tailing it out.

"No wait! The air in the chicken is just escaping through the esophagus!" Marik reasoned as everyone ran out in terror.

*squawk*

Marik paled. 'Sure is scary on my own. Heh heh, nice chicky, stop squawking haunted chicky." He started to walk towards it with a little ball of shadow magic in his hand.

It squawked again.

Marik took a deep breath. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! WAIT FOR ME!! I DON'T LIKE THIS CHICKEN!!"

*** When Malik finally comes to…

It was dark, there was squawking and his head hurt.

"Stupid chicken." He mumbled in his daze and threw it out the window.

"ARGH! NOW IT FLIES!!?!" 

"Was that the yamis?" Mali blinked and shook himself awake. He peered out the window like an old lady would in an emotional scene. (^_~ you know what I mean!)

The yamis were running around screaming. Ryou and Yugi were huddled beneath his window whimpering in fear.

Malik blinked his cutie purple eyes. "They're scared of chickens?"

"MIND CRUSH!!"

"CHICKEN GO BYE BYE!!" Marik laughed.

"DINNER GO BYEBYE!!" Malik screamed furiously, jumping out the window and running up to his yami. He grabbed his hair and yanked him back indoors. "I want you to GO MAKE US SOME DINNER!!"

"But-"

"NO BUTS!!"

*** moments later.

"It's gone quiet!" Ryou said.

"Do you think it's safe to go in?" Yugi asked.

"With those two, it's never ever safe!" Yami snorted.

"Let's go!" Bakura sneered skipping in. (Hee hee!)

KA BOOM!!!!!!!!! Everyone winced as Marik's evil laughter could be heard.

"MARIK!!!" Bakura roared. "DIE!"

***erm, that'll do, getting sore fingers from typing!

THE END!  
  


DAU: *super quickly tidies room* *stand infront of door smiling fakely* Ohayo Roenet! Welcome back!

Reonet: *pouts* Why did you have to finish it? I was perfectly happy blowing up Washington with Bethy!

DAU: *eye twitches* YL, they didn't really blow up Washington did they?

Reonet: *smirks* and that stupid theme park and the moment and the faces in the mountains who refuse to talk..

DAU: REONET!! *charges*

Reonet: yikes! *ducks*

DAU: *smirks* Reoent is't thy mace drowning the in river? *cackleth*

Reonet: *pales and looks at Hyfen* You didn't, don't tell me you did. EVEN MY MORTAL ENEMY WOULD NOT DO THAT TO ME!!!!

DAU: *smirks* I love the English language! Bye de bye dear dear friends. Thy authoress must prepare for thy sequels!

Reonet: ARGH!! Bethy I wanna come back and live with you and YL now!

DAU: No chance in Hades Reonet.


End file.
